BAKAWALI

2009-10-12T13:36:00.004+08:00

Feels like ages that I have been blogging. Life has been rough lately. For the past few years when Hari Raya coming, God test me with serious problem that I wonder how I can get through with all these.

One after another. Aku sangat2 berharap untuk Raya2 yang akan datang, beri lah aku sedikit cahaya and sinar yang menyinari hidup aku sekeluarga. Cukup lah dgn apa yang kau berikan. Aku tahu memang segala yang berlaku ada hikmah di sebalik kemelut dan kekusutan. Tapi aku rasa, badan aku dah tak berdaya untuk menempuh ini semua lagi. Tolong lah ya Allah, bukan kekayaan atau wang ringgit yang aku dambakan, hanya ketenangan dan keharmonian kami sekeluarga yang aku pinta.

Semoga segala badai yang melanda Arry, akan pergi bersama laut yang pasang dan terus surut. Membawa segala kepahitan pergi jauh ke dalam dasar lautan yang luas. Aku tidak pernah putus menajabkan doa untuk semua anak2 aku. Tapi aku tak tahu sejauh mana kekuatan aku dapat bertahan.

Nasib Arry selepas raya ada perubahan. Boleh di katakan mendadak. Apakah ini yang ingin kau utuskan untuk dia setelah berbagai2 cobaan yang kau berikan padanya. Pahit perjalanan hidup anak aku ini, tapi sekarang aku lihat seperti ada sedikit cahaya yang mula menampakkan sinar hidup dia. Begitu juga dgn Jaja. Walaupun sebagai ibu, kita tak akan mengerluarkan kata2 pujian untuk mereka semua, namun dalam hati, tak akan putus ucapaan Alhamdulillah yang ditasbihkan kepada yang esa.

Semoga tahun2 yang akan datang dan bakal kita tempuhi, membawa seribu pengertian dan rahmat dari mu. AMIN YA RABBAL ALAMIN.

2009-08-31T16:18:00.000+08:00

HOW I WISH WE WERE NEVER SO CLOSE, SO THAT I DON'T FEEL THIS PAIN.
HOW I WISH I CAN TURN BACK THE TIME, I WANT TO REDO SO MANY MISTAKES.
HOW I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN HERE, CAUSE I WANTED SO MUCH TO BE IN JAPAN.
HOW I WISH I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW CERTAIN PEOPLE, SO I CAN ERASE ALL THOSE MEMORIES.
HOW I WISH I HAVE WINGS, SO I CAN FLY FAR FAR AWAY........
LEAVING ALL THE UNHAPPINESS AND UNIMPORTANT THINGS AND PEOPLE BEHIND.
HOW I WISH................

2009-08-24T10:50:00.000+08:00

Ramadan telah pun menjelang tiba. Hari ini, insyaallah sudah tiga hari kita berpuasa. Munah jemput kita adik-beradik berbuka kerumah dia semalam. Seperti tahun2 yang sudah, perjumpaan seperti ini memang selalu kita nantikan. Sayang nya tak semua yang dapat hadir.

Masa ini lah kita lihat kekecohan anak2 sewaktu berbuka. Aimin semakin nakal dan menggeramkan semua orang. Yang paling lucu sekali semalam bila dia tunjukkan macam mana papa dia tidur. Dia buat suara bedengkor. He is damn cute. Aku ketawa sampai tak tahan.

Kemudian Su on lampu lap lip. Orang yang paling gembira ialah Aimin. OMG, dia menyanyi dan terlompat-lompat sambil menyebut...ampu ampu. Wakaka.........

Tak terasa betapa cepat nya masa berlalu. Anak2 dan anak2 saudara aku semua nya sudah semakin dewasa. But when they get together, mcm budak kecik. But I like it.

2009-07-31T15:45:00.001+08:00

Time and again, we feel betrayed, abused and hurt by our children. Time and again we will heal and bounce back to be the pillars for them. Nothing beats a mother's love.

I can understand a mother's feeling, because I am one too. I want you to know, I am always here if u need me. I am always not good with words. But deep inside, I want to hold you and say it's ok. Destiny and Fate doesn't lie. Be strong, I've been there and done that. I know it is very painful. I wish I can talk to you and tell you how I feel and how much I wanted to ease your pain. But I don't want to be misunderstood as always. So I decided to see u from far and feel it from far.

As the saying goes, BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER. That is what I have been feeling lately. I will always be there and care for you, like the time when u were small. It doesn't change even though u have ur own family now and we have gone different ways. I believe, we still need each other, no matter how busy we are with our own family to take care of. Believe me, I wanted so much to console and comfort you, but I'm afraid.

Take care and be strong.........

LUV

UR SIS

2009-07-13T14:56:00.004+08:00

This is my friend Lela. Nama penuh Noorlela bte Bujang. Tak sangka dah 33 tahun dia menjadi kawan dan for me, dia lah sahabat aku yang terunggul. Kita berkenalan dari umur kami 14tahun. Semasa sec one and two, we are not from the same class. It happens that my first best friend in secondary is Rosnah, then Tumirah, and Lela and Kamariah. But the closest to me when I left secondary school is Tum. Tapi persahabatan kita tak kesampaian kerana sebab2 peribadi.

Lela was very close to Kamariah. As we grow older, hubungan kami bertukar. It started when I recommend Lela to my working place, Colset. Then kita resign and sama2 go to Singapore Monitor, follow by Times Graphics and Pronto. Baru lah kita stop working together.

Kita pergi tour bersama2. Tioman, Genting, Langkawi. Aku tak lupa tu semua. Masih segar lagi dalam ingatan aku. Life is very simple that time. How we were heartbroken. Kita sama2 cuba membalut luka dari perhubungan yang tak kesampaian. We always share our love stories. Dan kita masing2 kenal pasangan kita. Jatuh bangun kita bersama semasa mengharungi zaman remaja. Semua nya aku semat dalam hati dan aku simpan sampai mati. All those were sweet memories, especially during our tour at Tioman. So sweet........God I miss those time.

Semasa kita di Times Graphics, kita berdua bersama2 mendapat jodoh. Dan kedua2 suami kita bekerja di Genting Lane, SPH. Masa berlalu, sesudah kita bernikah, aku dan Lela berhenti kerja. Aku dan Lela join Pronto, but our husband was still in SPH. Tapi rezki suami aku tak lama di situ. Dia berhenti dan terus bertukar2 kerja sampai sekarang.

Kemudian. kita mendapat anak, aku 2 lelaki dan 2 perempuan. Lela 1 lelaki dan dua perempuan. Anak2 kami skrg pun dah besar panjang. Sometimes to kill our time, Lela will ask me out. We will have dinner or lunch together. Lately dia ada ajak aku gi tengok wayang. masa belum mengizinkan. I will one day. Hope sebelum bulan puasa.

What I'm trying to say is, tak sangka akhirnya yang masih tetap tak berubah yang tinggal hanya aku dan dia. Aku sungguh2 menghargai persahabatan dia. Seorang yang lembut dan prihatin. Tak sangka persahabatan yang kita bina dari zaman persekolahan, berkekalan hingga umur kami sudah hampir mencapai ke angka lima puluhan. Aku ucapkan terima kasih Lel, for always being there for me. I will always treasure you. Biarpun badai dan ombak tak berhenti mendatang, our friendship remains and will always be........

Kalau boleh, biar lah sampai ke akhir hayat. Semoga Allah memberkati.

u are very special to me that no other friends will be.

2009-07-08T15:28:00.008+08:00

We were suppose to play badminton last Saturday, but suddenly Rosli call and ask us to tag along to simming pool. Mula2 aku tak nak, sebab kalau gi swimming pool aku tak leh exercise. But finally Munah pulak call and said its best that we go swimming pool sebat its only at Tamp. So I agreed.

Yang menggeramkan aku tak da lain si Aimin. OMG....he is so cute and adoroble. Dia tak nak naik sampai dah time nak tutup. Punya susah nak suruh dia keluar from the pool. Dah mandi dan salin baju pun dia masih nak masuk dalam pool lagi. Aku terus ajak dia keluar. Bila keluar dia terus lari duduk kat tangga. Aku suruh dia posing nak ambil gambar. Dengan senyum montok, dia betul2 posing. He is so cute.

2009-06-08T13:57:00.012+08:00

As promise, Jaja requested to celebrate her birthday at the Bowling Alley in Kallang. Yang dapat hadir cuma Munah and children, except Izam and Me and my kids and Philip. Banyak yang first timer tapi they manage after a few try. So funny, especially Arsyi yang madang masuk gutter. There's some pictures that I take yesterday. I hope that she will be happy and a memorable day for her 21st birthday. No matter what it takes, I try my very best to make this happen, just for her. So if I'm gone one day, she will remember that I do this just for her and to make her happy. Aku pun sekaki juga semalam. Happy to see them enjoying the game.

Birthday gerl bersungguh2 bowling

Jaja with Phillip

Jaja with Hakim belo

Belo trying hard to strike

Sempat posing

Munah eksyen tak nak tengok camera

2009-06-04T15:40:00.003+08:00

So many things happen for the past week.....sigh......

But the most scary thing is..... I panic because I nearly lost my hearing.

Kebelakangan ini, aku fikir semua talipon yang aku pakai tak clear. I have been blaming all the phones. Then aku terasa ada yang tak kena dgn telinga kiri aku. Yang kanan memang dah gone. Tapi sekarang yang kiri pula buat hal. Mana aku tak risau. One after another. So last saturday, I make a trip down to kedai Singseh yang aku biasa pergi. So she ask me whether I can take acupuncture. I told her I would take whatever it is to get my hearing back. True enough, I can hear clearly for three days berturut-turut. But suddenly on Wednesday, tiba2 aku bangun pagi and I cannot hear properly. I panicked. I rush to the singseh again. She said that I have been having it for too long. If only I came to her once I found out abt my prob, it can be to cured. I understand and I dont blame her. So she treat me again. Reaching home aku dah boleh dengar clearly lagi. But bila malam, dia start lagi. On and off. OMG.........

This is my rice bowl. How can I explain to my customer. Anyway it is embarrasing. I swear I wouldn"t let them know. Aku tak putus asa, aku akan pergi lagi this Saturday. Semoga Allah perkenankan doa aku. Tolonglah, kalau aku berterusan macam ini, pintu rezki aku pasti tertutup. Macam mana aku nak meneruskan perjuangan aku untuk anak2. Tolong lah ya Allah.

2009-05-27T14:01:00.003+08:00

Went to Mohd House last Sunday. He just came back a week ago from open heart surgery. I was feeling so sad inside. But I never show it to him. Kurus dia. Sama seperti waktu bujang dia dulu. He look so weak and in pain. He shows me the scar from his right leg up to his thigh. It is so long and scary. That is where they took his main veins to joint it to his heart.

The chemistry that we both have is hard to explain. I feel like he is replacing my lost brother. We can communicate well and we can share lots of things. To see him like this, at the age of 46. My god, how life is too short. Kalau orang putih kata life starts at 40, but zaman skrg i think life goes down from 40. Well, maybe........

Kehidupan dia tak ubah seperti dah jatuh di timpa tangga, kena langgar stembrol lagi...... (kata orang dulu2)

I dream of my mum last monday. I'm so elated. It's hard to get her come to my dream. Tak tahu apa makna mimpi ni. She usually don't talk in my dream. Dia basuh kan selimut aku pakai tangan. I told her not to. She will be very tired. But in the dream, she don't listen and just carry on what she was doing. God damn it....I miss her.

2009-05-13T13:43:00.002+08:00

WALAUPUN AKU DAH LAMA TAK BERIBU, TAPI BILA AKU TERBACA ARTIKEL INI, INGATAN AKU PADA NYA MASIH SEGAR, SEOLAH-OLAH BARU SEMALAM DIA PERGI.

I WANT TO SHARE THIS ARTICLE WHICH I FOUND WHEN I BROWSE THROUGH MY MULTIPLY......ENJOY

IBUKU SEORANG PEMBOHONG

Renungan kita bersama..

*****************************************************************

Memang sukar untuk orang lain percaya,tapi itulah yang berlaku. Ibu saya memang seorang pembohong!! Sepanjang ingatan saya sekurang-kurangnya 8 kali ibu membohongi saya. Saya perlu catatkan segala pembohongan itu untuk dijadikan renungan anda sekalian.

Cerita ini bermula ketika saya masih kecil. Saya lahir sebagai seorang anak lelaki dalam sebuah keluarga miskin. Makan minum serba kekurangan. Kami sering kelaparan. Adakalanya, selama beberapa hari kami terpaksa makan berlaukkan ikan masin dikongsi satu keluarga. Sebagai anak yang masih kecil, saya sering saja merungut. Saya menangis mahukan nasi dan lauk yang banyak. Tapi ibu cepat memujuk. Ketika makan, ibu sering membahagikan bahagian nasinya untuk saya. Sambil memindahkan nasi ke mangkuk saya, ibu berkata : "Makanlah nak ibu tak lapar." – PEMBOHONGAN IBU YANG PERTAMA.

Ketika saya mulai besar ibu yang gigih sering meluangkan watu senggangnya untuk pergi memancing di tali air berhampiran rumah. Ibu berharap dari ikan hasil pancingan itu dapat memberikan sedikit makanan untuk membesarkan kami adik-beradik. Pulang dari memancing, ibu memasak gulai ikan yang segar dan mengundang selera. Sewaktu saya memakan gulai ikan itu ibu duduk disamping kami dan memakan sisa daging ikan yang masih menempel di tulang daripada bekas sisa ikan yang saya makan tadi.. Saya sedih melihat ibu seperti itu.. Hati saya tersentuh lalu dengan menggunakan sudu saya memberikan ikan itu kepada ibu. Tetapi ibu dengan cepat menolaknya. Ibu berkata : "Makanlah nak, ibu tak suka makan ikan." – PEMBOHONGAN IBU YANG KEDUA.

Di usia awal remaja, saya masuk sekolah menengah. Ibu pergi ke kedai dengan membawa sejumlah penyapu lidi dan kuih-muih untuk menyara persekolahan saya,abang dan kakak. Suatu dinihari lebih kurang pukul 1.30 pagi saya terjaga dari tidur. Saya melihat ibu membuat kuih denagn beremankan sebuah pelita dihadapannya. Beberapa kali saya melihat kepala ibu terhangguk kerana mengantuk. Saya berkata : "Ibu, tidurlah, esok pagi ibu kena pergi kebun pula." Ibu tersenyum dan berkata : "Cepatlah tidur nak, ibu belum mengantuk lagi." – PEMBOHONGAN IBU YANG KETIGA.

Di hujung musim persekolahan, ibu meminta cuti kerja supaya dapat menemani saya pergi ke sekolah untuk menduduki peperiksaan penting. Ketika hari sudah siang, terik panas matahari mulai menyinari, ibu terus sabar menunggu saya di luar dewan. Ibu seringkali saja tersenyum dan mulutnya terkumat-kamit berdoa kepada Illahi agar saya lulus ujian peperiksaan ini dengan cemerlang. Ketika loceng berbunyi menandakan ujian sudah selesai, ibu dengan segera menyambut saya dan menuangkan kopi yang sudah disiapkan dalam botol yang dibawanya.. Kopi yang kental itu tidak dapat dibandingkan dengan kasih saying ibu yang jauh lebih kental. Melihat tubuh ibu yang dibasahi peluh, saya segera memberikan cawan saya itu kepada ibu dan menyuruhnya minum. Tapi ibu cepat-cepat menolaknya dan berkata : "Minumlah nak, ibu tak haus!!" – PEMBOHONGAN IBU YANG KEEMPAT.

Setelah pemergian ayah kerana sakit, iaitu selepas saya baru beberapa bulan dilahirkan, ibulah yang mengambil tugas sebagai ayah kepada kami sekeluarga. Ibu bekerja mengambil upah di kebun, membuat penyapu lidi dan menjual kuih-muih agar kami tidak kelaparan. Tapi apalah sangat kudrat seorang ibu. Kehidupan keluarga kami semakin susah dan susah. Melihat keadaan keluarga yang semakin parah, seorang pakcik yang baik hati dan tinggal berjiran dengan kami, datang untuk membantu ibu. Anehnya, ibu menolak bantuan itu. Jiran-jiran sering kali menasihati ibu supaya menikah lagi agar ada seorang lelaki yang akan menjaga dan mencarikan wang untuk kami sekeluarga. Tetapi ibu yang keras hatinya tidak mengendahkan nasihat mereka. Ibu berkata : "Saya tidak perlukan cinta saya tidak perlukan lelaki." – PEMBOHONGAN IBU YANG KELIMA.

Setelah kakak dan abang habis belajar dan mula bekerja, ibu sudah pun tua. Kakak dan abang menyuruh ibu supaya berehat sahaja dirumah. Tidak payahlah lagi bersusah payah dan bersengkang mata untuk mencari duit. Tetapi ibu tidak mahu. Ibu rela pergi ke pasar setiap pagi menjual sedikit sayur untuk memenuhi keperluan hidupnya. Kakak dan abang yang bekerja jauh di kota besar sering mengirimkan wang untuk membantu memenuhi keperluan ibu, pun begitu ibu tetap berkeras tidak mahu menerima wang tersebut. Malahan ibu mengirim balik wang itu dan ibu berkata : "Jangan susah-susah, ibu ada duit." – PEMBOHONGAN IBU YANG KEENAM.

Setelah tamat pengajian di universiti, saya melanjutkan lagi pelajaran ke peringkat sarjana di luar Negara. Pengajian saya di sana dibiayai sepenuhnya oleh sebuah syarikat besar. Sarjana itu saya sudahi dengan cemerlang,kemudian saya pun bekerja dengan syarikat yang telah membiayai pengajian saya juga di luar negara.
Dengan gaji yang agak lumayan, saya berhajat membawa ibu untuk menikmati penghujung hidupnya di luar negara. Pada pandangan saya, ibu sudah puas bersusah payah untuk kami. Hampir seluruh hidupnya habis dengan penderitaan, eloklah kalau hari-hari tuanya ini ibu habiskan dengan keceriaan dan keindahan pula.
Tetapi ibu yang baik hati, menolak ajakan saya. Ibu tidak mahu menyusahkan anaknya ini dengan berkata ; "Tak payahlah, ibu tak biasa tinggal di negara orang." – PEMBOHONGAN IBU YANG KETUJUH.

Beberapa tahun berlalu, ibu semakin tua.. Suatu malam saya menerima berita ibu diserang penyakit kanser. Ibu mesti dibedah secepat mungkin. Saya yang ketika itu berada jauh diseberang samudera terus segera pulang untuk menjenguk ibunda tercinta.
Saya melihat ibu terbaring lemah di katil hospital setelah menjalani pembedahan. Ibu yang kelihatan sangat tua, menatap ajah saya dengan penuh kerinduan. Ibu menhadiahkan saya sebuah senyumanbiarpun agak kaku kerana terpaksa menahan sakit yang menjalari setiap inci tubuhnya.. Saya dapat melihat dengan jelas betapa penyakit itu telah memamah tubuh ibu sehingga ibu menjadi terlalu lemah dan kurus.
Saya menatap wajah ibu sambil berlinangan air mata.. Saya cium tangan ibu kemudian saya kecup pula pipi dan dahinya. Di saat itu hati saya terlalu pedih, sakit sekali melihat ibu dalam keadaan seperti ini. Tetapi ibu tetap tersenyum dan berkata : "Jangan menangis nak, ibu tak sakit." – PEMBOHONGAN IBU YANG KELAPAN.

Anda bertuah kerana masih mempunyai ibu dan ayah. Anda boleh memeluk dan menciumnya. Kalau ibu anda jauh dari mata, anda boleh menelefonnya sekarang, dan berkata, 'Ibu,saya sayangkan ibu.' Tapi tidak saya. Sehingga kini saya diburu rasa bersalah yang amat sangat kerana biarpun saya mengasihi ibu lebi dari segala-galanya, tapi tidak pernah sealipun saya membisikkan kata-kata itu ke telinga ibu. Ibu, maafkan saya. Saya sayangkan ibu…

2009-05-11T16:40:00.003+08:00

Mother's Day datang lagi semalam. Tahun ni, there's no celebration or eating out like last year. But when I reach home, I found a card and a novel on my table. It's from Arry, Arsyi and Ifa.

And on sunday afternoon, Jaja gave me Kenny G CD with a card.

This is what Jaja say,

My Love,
We can't cheers this year to us...cause we don't receive a blessful beginning.....
But with all thanks to your strength, perseverance we manage to go strong.
Thank You.
I luv u.
My mighty mother. =)

This msg is from Arry,

You are the best mother anyone would die to have. You mean the world to me. I LOVE YOU with all my heart and soul.

This msg is from Ifa,

Happy mother's day Mama. I know that sometimes I do and say stuff that I don't mean. But deep down, I LOVE YOU and really hope that you really live life to the fullest and don't let that laughter of yours fade.

This is from Arsyi,

Happy Mother's Day Mama,
I know sometimes I hurt you with my words and action and yes I know nobody is perfect in the world, but we all must learn to understand each other and I just do not have the chance to express myself to you or have a long talk with you but deep down, I LOVE YOU and I really hope we can understand each other alot better.

Well I can say it is a simple celebration for mother's day, but their words do make me laugh and cry at the same time. How I wish that all this would never change till the day I die. If only.........

BUT, THANKS ANYWAY TO ALL MY CHILDREN. I LUV U ALL WITH MY UTMOST SINCERITY

2009-05-06T13:11:00.003+08:00

These two pictures shows how Arsyi mandikan si Aduka baik betul dia. Diam tak bergerak2. Relax lagi. Kelakar betul si hitam aku ni. Tak da sapa yang brani mandikan dia melainkan Arsyi. Hari2 Arsyi mesti cium pergi cium balek si gemuk aku ni.

Tadi dia balek sekolah, depan pintu tersengih2 tunjukkan aku mainan aduka yang dia baru beli. Untung betul si gemuk tu dapat tuan macam si kurus ni.......wakaka

Semalam aku ke eastpoint with Arsyi. Dia kata duit birthday nak beli badminton racket. Finally he bought one yesterday. The colour is similar to Izam's racquet Dia kata senang nanti main badminton tak gaduh dgn Abang dia pasal racket. Always looking forward to our badminton session. We do workout and sweat it out. Luv it.

2009-04-30T14:52:00.002+08:00

I am addicted. Yes ADDICTED....

But not to drugs, but to Japanese and Korean show. I drowned my sorrow, my agony, my frustration, and my everything to this show. How lovely their story is. Words can't describe. Their luv is not like all the Ang Moh show where all they have is lust....Irritating.....

I just can't pass my day without visiting mysoju.

2009-04-18T15:11:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile since I blog. I 'm going to lepaskan sebak kat dada aku skrg ni.

Dear Journal,

I always believe baik perbuatan kita baik lah balasan nya, tapi kebelakangan ini aku seperti dah tak nak percaya kata2 pepatah orang tua2 ni lagi.

Let me begin, the reason why I pen it down here is to make sure that if the sms is lost, I still have something to refer.

Pada tahun lepas, aku sewakan, to be exact bukan sewakan tapi hand over my van to my nephew. Dah lah aku tak ambil duit kopi or senang cakap duit hand over, niat hati tak da lain, ingin menolong anak sedara sendiri maju dan berjaya. Sebab dia baru nak menapak to do his own delivery.

Untuk orang yang baru buka company, kalau kita nak beli company vehicle, first kita harus ada some downpayment. Dan kita harus ada guarantor yang bergaji lebih dari 5ribu keatas. Sebab kita baru bermula. No car dealers would trust us beginners. Unless u buy cash.

Jadi, dia senang, tak payah nak go through all this. And I admit at the same time dia pun legakan aku juga dari van tu tak bergerak. Aku akui mmg aku berterima kasih. Senang cakap kita help each other.

Time and again he would ask me for advice and aku pun kasi dia job to add the to delivery that he's having. Everything goes well. Untill...........

Baru bawa van tak sampai sebulan dia accident. Masa tu Hari Raya Haji. Dia kena claim sampai lebih 10ribu. Itu pun aku try me very best to help him settle with the insurance. Six month later dia accident lagi. Ini kali 100% salah dia. Dia kena claim insurance sampai 4ribu lebih.

So senang cakap dia dah tak da NCD value lagi. Maybe aku tersalah cakap atau dia salah faham aku tak pasti. Van ni mmg ada lagi dua tahun installment when he took over. So when I told him lagi satu tahun I mean another one more year to go after the year that he took over. Mungkin kita dua2 salah faham. Itu tak pa, tapi aku tak tahu rupanya dia terlalu marah sebab perkara satu atau dua tahun ni.

So tahun ni bulan March is the renewal of the insurance and road tax dah sampai, aku receive from NTUC the insurance renewal letter of $3000 over. I kol him. Dai jadi marah, dia tanya kenapa mahal sangat. Aku cakap itu aku tak tahu, why don't u ask around for others, sementara tu aku akan tanya kawan aku Liza, seorang car dealer whether she can help out. Liza did find out for me and I manage to get $2100, tapi kena bayar cash. Tak boleh installment. Or can use credit card. I kol him and tell him the news. He tak happy. Dia cakap dia akan kol aku balek.

Tunggu punya tunggu, on the 10th of March he sms me saying he is returning me my van. And Insurance mati on the 16th. Tolak weekend bermakna he give me 4 working days to settle the roadtax by myself. Taik yang dia buat aku kena kesat. Aku masih menahan sabar. Aku terus talipon Liza and ask for advice. Liza cakap the only way is to scrap the van. Jadi aku fax OCBC asking for final settlement. Aku kol mak dia. She claims she knows nothing. Tak da lagi jalan keluar sebab masa dah terlalu suntuk. He came over that night and return the van. So I tell him he have to pay half of the insurance since the accident is cause by him not me. Or I try to scrap the van so kita tak yah keluar byk duit. I did explain to him. He said he want to see the original receipt. I do whatever he said. Aku mcm orang gila, meminjam sana meminjam sini untuk dapatkan duit final settlement. After things was settle by Liza, semua nya aku kena $1900 lebih for disposal. Dan bukan tu aja, sebab masa dah suntuk sangat Liza terpaksa layup the van first sementara tunggu LTA punya jawapan. It is alot of work I can say. Thanks to Liza.

Setelah semua selesai, aku photocopy all the receipt and ask my rider Hazmi to send the letter to his house. Dua minggu aku tunggu jawapan dari dia. Dia tak bother to call me even. So aku ingat kalau dapat duit tu, aku nak belikan Mohd obat lagi. So aku sms dia, this is what our sms conversation is:-

Aku: Mcm mana Lan. When can I have the payment.

Him: Since u decided to scrap. y u asking me 4 the money.

Aku: Bec 2 solve both of our prob. Have u forgotten that u give me 4 days 2 settle this ins prob. When u take this van there is an agreement letter bet u n me. Jgn ingat that u r so smart now that u can be so rude 2 me.

Him: Am i being rude. first of all u say left 1 year. when 1year almost up. wat u tell me! U overlooked it. gives a big? mark.

Aku: Wat diff does it make, 1yr or 2yrs. Ins premium is so high bec of ur stupid acc. Go n do ur homework. Do watever u thing is right. Wat comes round goes round.

Him: Its doesn't to u but a lot to me. i don't like to be make use of. it's b'coz of that stupid acc makes me see things round wat u say its true. its goes ard, but diff way n forms. tks 4 letting me learn.

Aku tak kisah kalau dia dah tak nak bayar. Tapi cara dia bercakap, cara pemikiran dia yang mcm budak kecik, biadap lagi. Itu yang aku tak boleh terima dan tak boleh maafkan sampai bila2 pun. I don't deserve all this. Lagi dengan budak taik mcm ni. Biar tuhan aja yang membalas segala perbuatan dia. Aku dah penat nak layan orang2 mcm ni lagi......Haish........

2009-04-09T23:23:00.002+08:00

I DON'T WHAT TO SAY. I'M SO STRESS UP. LIFE IS LIKE A TIME BOMB. IT HAPPENS MANY MANY TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD CRY OR LAUGH. I ALWAYS TELL MYSELF, "ADA ORANG LEBIH SUSAH DARI KITA". THIS WORD KEEP ME STRONG AND KEEP MOVING.

BUT SOMETIME............

I FEEL TOO TIRED TO CARRY ON. WHY DID HE ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE ME WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT HIS WORK. ONE AFTER ANOTHER. EVERY TIME I WILL SURE RECEIVE NEWS AND THAT MADE MY HEART STOP. WHY OH WHY.......

CAN HE JUST BE MORE RESPONSIBLE........

SIGH...........

I DON'T KNOW WHEN THIS IS GONNA STOP....

OR TILL I DIE.......

2009-04-04T23:27:00.002+08:00

After so long, I receive an invitation from Yat to bring my children out for dinner. Rasa nya dah berkurun kita tak keluar bersama. Aku dan anak2, Munah dan anak2, Zai bantot dan anak, Yat dan anak. Sang suami semua tak kuasa nak melayan kerenah kita.

Kita makan malam di Popeye kat Terminal 1. Bising sekali. Bila semua dah berkumpul, kecoh nya tak usah cerita. Lebih2 lagi bila they all melayan Aimin.

After dinner we went separate ways. Munah pulang bersama Yat. Aku dan Zai bantot naik train from there with all our children. Hakim belo tag along, because I ask him to. Bayangkan dalam train kita duduk ramai2 facing each other and they were playing and laughing like no other people around. Aku sempat petik 2 gambar untuk kenangan.

Yang paling lucu bila Ira tercampak kasut jauh bila bergurau bersama Hakim. All of us was laughing hard and Ira blush.

U know, I really luv to see all the children together. By watching them, having fun together always make me smile inside. How I wish they will always be like this together. Watching them grow together and having fun together, is all a moment to remember till I die.

AND LASTLY, THANKS YAT FOR THE TREAT AND THE HAPPY MOMENT WITH ALL OF THEM. THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN MISSING FOR SO LONG.

Baru enter the train after berebut tempat duduk.

After kasut Ira tercampak. See how she blush......

2009-03-09T13:53:00.005+08:00

I went to Malacca last saturday with Abg Awi and his new wife Neen. He was having problems with his body where needles are rusty and doctor said the blood is already poison. Aku teringat during my visit Hari Raya Haji this year, bila aku disana, Mak Itam ada kasi tahu aku berdekatan di Ayer Keroh ada seorang hamba Allah yang boleh operate pakai jari. So I told Abg Awi whether he want to try and see that man. Cut the story short, after making arrangements dgn Pak Itam, we reach Malacca on Sat at 1pm.

Earlier in the morning, Pak Itam dah ambilkan nomber untuk kita berempat. Aku, Pak Itam, Abg Awi and his wife Neen. So bila kita sampai di rumah hamba allah tu, lagi dua nombor is our turn. Thank God. Kalau tidak we have to wait the whole day there. Orang terlalu ramai yang menanti. I was so curious what is this man gonna do. After our number was called up, aku dan pak itam went in first. Setelah meminta nama dan nama ibu, dia bertanya apa sakit kita. So he start with Pak Itam. My uncle told him dia sakit pinggang teruk sangat. Bisa dan dia dah tak boleh angkat barang berat lagi. After checking with our names, he start with my uncle first. Sambil dia berbual-bual dgn aku, dia sapu obat kat pinggang pak itam. Suddenly dia keluarkan 2 batu dari pinggang pak itam. I was so shocked and laugh at the whole incident. Then dia cakap dah, dah selesai. OMG..... I can't believe my eyes. So for my case, I have to return back to him 3weeks from now. So is Abang Awi and his wife. Semua orang sakit tak sama. And his treatment also differs for each and individual. I can't wait for the next time. I want to see what other miracles he can do. Since he said Abg Awi is the most serious case among us. Can't wait for the day.

Miracles do happen. Kelebihan yang Allah berikan pada semua umat nya, amat berlainan. And I am always curious, till next time.

BATU YANG DI KELUARKAN DARI PINGGANG PAK ITAM.

ME AND NEEN. ABG AWI'S WIFE. BOTH LOOK LIKE NYONYA.

2009-03-03T14:28:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANA

I get this pic from Azie's blog. Lazy to get it from Arry. Always so busy. Don't know buzy for what. So sad to say, rain do spoil Nana's BBQ pit. But what make me happy is that, I manage to get the fire going despite heavy downpour. I got no heart to leave her behind while waiting for her mom to come back after sending Aimin home. Yat was soaked too. I guess she must have gone home to change. I am damn right. She came back later all dry. I can understand how she feels, being abundant while everyone rush home because of the rain.

I make an effort the get the fire going. Hooray for me, manage to do it with one single fire starter. I know the children was so damn hungry. I have to do something. My brain is working hard. Finally with the help of Arry, Ray, Hakim and all the girls, we manage to get the fire strong and well. Lepas tu cepat2 aku panggangkan ayam ,satay, sotong ball dan hot dog. Nana was sitting with an aumbrella waiting for the food. Kesian birthday girl. Feel so sorry for her. After kita dah panggang, yang dah masak Hakim letak depan Nana. She was all smile and tell me, tarok sini biar Nana jaga. So funny, she jaga the food and makan.

Even though I can't do much but I'm happy that we manage to get her the food and spent some time till her mother came back. The boys panggang more food for Yat and Cik leh. Then I told cik leh to send me home first. I argue with Munah to let me go first so that she kan temankan Yat while waiting for Rosli. I was soaked with rain. I reach home with the boys, later Nabil came over and they continue at my house till 4am. I was having fever that night. I slept after panggangkan diaorang ikan pais.

We can't predict the weather. But after all, it is not that bad. Walaupun banyak yang dah balek, yang tinggal, budak2 tu semua was having so much fun. Teasing each other and terlalak-lalak sambil Bbqing. Aku tak mampu nak kasi mereka happiness to travel, but at least benda2 kecil macam ni pun they enjoy themselve so much. Looking at their smile, laughter and jokes among themselves is enough to make me happy. Walaupun aku jatoh sakit. wakakaka......

2009-02-15T14:45:00.005+08:00

It was on the 12th of February 2009. Early in the morning, I wake up as usual I will start my work from the kitchen. While busy cooking, suddenly Jaja said, "Happy Birthday Mama". I turn and she give me a card and a piece of cake. I was shock, as I told them, don't spent anything on my birthday. Money is too precious now and it's not important to spend unnecessarily for my birthday. But I really do appreciate their thoughts. And I'm so touch that I cry. Arsyi gave his card and flower to Jaja to pass to me. He is so sweet. Always surprise me with flower. Then Arsyi sms me to open up my facebook and go to pet society. He and Jaja gave me lots of present there. He is so cute.

Many wishes came in via sms from 12midnight till the next morning. All my nieces and nephews sms me as early as 6am in the morning. My god. Only Sue and Izam didn't wish me this year. Maybe they forget their canggih aunt is turning older and wiser. wakakaka.........

In the evening, Ifa came home with Arsyi from school, rather late. Near 7pm, and Ifa gave me a novel, and Arsyi another card. So two birthday card in a row. Arry came home later around 9pm, with Ray, JZ and Jason. They surprise me with durian puff, durian cake, and orkid plant. Not only that, they sing and dance happy birthday to me. Arry said sorry to me bec he is late in giving me his present. Hakim came with two toblerone. White chocolate. I told him I never like white chocolate, but thanks anyway for his thoughts. Tomorrow he came again with another toblerone, but this time it's the norm chocolate. My three sisters, gave me money. Which I have told them in advance, don't give me anything. Times are bad and I'm really worried that I might not have the means to repay them. Munah is the first who insist to give me some cash. Saying that she don't want anything in return. Next Leha and Timah, given to me when we celebrate Azie's birthday yesterday.

After we came back from Timah hse yesterday, suddenly while we were sitting down at the sofa, Jaja bring out a cake. I was surprised. Why another cake. She told me it was suppose to be given when Nabil come out from the camp. They were waiting to celebrate with Nabil. But Nabil was being penalised for being late and he can't book out. So they sing me a birthday song and cutting the cake without Nabil. Hakim and Jason was there too when I cut the cake.

To be honest, this is the first time I'm feeling happy and sad at the same time. I was so touch and appreciate very very much the efforts and thoughts that was being done for me. I never know how much they have grown up and matured in front of my eyes.

WITH THIS, I WOULD LIKE TO THANKS ALL OF MY CHILDREN AND RAY, HAKIM, JASON AND JZ WHO HAVE PUT UP THE EFFORT TO PUT A SMILE ON MY SAD FACE. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU EVERYONE.

This is the cake that was just cut yesterday.
A Novel from Ifa

Orkid from Arry.

Flowers from Arsyi

Cake from Jaja

2009-02-11T16:07:00.003+08:00

Dalam diam, besok umur aku sudah pun menjangkau 47tahun. Macam tak percaya gitu. Sambil menulis, sambil mendengar lagu2 Alleycat yang membawa seribu kenangan. Dari umur ku belasan tahun, sampailah skrg. Dari kami adik-beradik masih single sampai lah beranak penak. Masing2 telah dewasa. Masing2 punya tanggong jawap sendiri.

Kenangan demi kenangan bermain di benak kepala ku ini. Bagaimana aku menolong mak menjaga adik2 aku sampai lah mereka sudah pandai meneraju keluarga sendiri. Masih segar dalam ingatan aku ketika mereka kecil dahulu. Banyak peristiwa suka dan duka kita harungi bersama. Betapa takut nya adik2 aku bila aku marah. Tapi hati kecil aku ini tetap tebal dgn perasaan sayang dan tak rela aku kalau mereka di sakiti. Bila aku sudah mula bekerja, mereka masih bersekolah. Akan aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk adakan apa pun adik2 tak dapat sebelum nya. Aku tak dapat terima bila mak pukul adik2 aku. Akan aku tahan dan adakala nya aku terpaksa berkasar dgn mak supaya dia hentikan perbuatan nya. Dan dari pertunagan sehinggalah mereka berkahwin. Aku lah orang yang pertama mak cari untuk uruskan ni semua. Kerana mak orang nya tak rengkas. Senyum dan tawa mereka adalah senyum dan tawa aku.

Tapi itu semua dulu. Sekerang mereka dah jadi mak orang. Dah jadi ibu dan ada yang dah berjaya hingga mejadi seorang yang terpelajar. Aku pun sudah tak diperlukan lagi. Ini lah dia roda2 hidup yang harus kita lalui apabila tahun berganti tahun. Bulan berganti bulan. Masing2 dengan kehidupan masing2. Zaman remaja kita telah lama berakhir. Hanya satu doa ku pada semua, semuga berbahgia dan lebih berjaya, dan harungi lah hidup kamu semua dgn bijak. Belum tentu kita akan bersama lagi selama2 nya. Terima Kasih aku ucapkan atas budi baik dan pengorbanan adik2 aku semua. Akan aku sematkan dalam dalam ke lubuk hati kecil ku.

Semuga tuhan memberkati......AMIN

2009-02-10T13:20:00.008+08:00

MY DAUGHTER NUR HAJAR

She went for a bridal make-up by her friend. He needs a model so went along. Gembira betul. Pulang dari sana she ask me, mama do I look like pengantin. To make her happy I said yes. But I don't feel the make-up is so outstanding. Nothing to be compared with few that I've seen. And she make sure I receive all the picture that she took. To be honest, she's born with beautiful features that even without make-up she does look beautiful. Why bother with all this make-up and make over. It was only for those who are below average. But she would never listen, because she is a paranoid when come to beauty. What to do. Haish......

She ask me what did I want for my birthday. I said nothing. She was not happy. I told her, what if mama menyusahkan kau. If got not enough money, I don't feel good. She insist. She wanna bring me out for dinner. Told her my favourite is still Muthucurry. She said she can only fork out $150. Balance will be on me. wakakakak....

I appreciate whatever that she has plan to make me happy on my birthday. But I just have too many problems that I feel its not right to celebrate. I told her to give me the money so that I can make use of during this crisis since my husband pay was cut by half. We need to survive, and it's important that we get the necessary settle first before we can think of enjoyment. Luckily this time she agree with me. And pass me the $100 first. It may not be much, but it helps. Thanks to u Jaja and all my children for your thoughts. I promise, one day, if our financial is back to normal, I will bring all of u out for Muthu Curry. THANKS, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

2009-02-09T15:39:00.005+08:00

ARRY SAID HIS FRIENDS IS COMING YESTERDAY TO REHEARSE HIS JAPANESE SCRIPT. AND HE ASK ME TO BRING HIS SIBLINGS OUT OF THE HSE OR ITS GONNA BE NOISY. SO IT HAPPENS WHEN I CALL MUNAH DIA AJAK LEPAK KAT BEACH IN PASIR RIS. SO I AGREED. FINALLY IFA GOT LOADS OF HMWORK TO BE DONE AND DECIDED NOT TO FOLLOW. JAJA WENT SWIMMING WITH SUE. AND ONLY ME, HAKIM, ARSYI, IZAM, IKA AND MUNAH PROCEED TO THE BEACH.

THE WEATHER IS SO BEAUTIFUL. BREEZY AND BILA HARI MENJELANG SENJA, BULAN PURNAMA PUN MENUJUKKAN WAJAH NYA. SUNGGUH2 CANTIK. KEBETULAN BULAN PENUH SEMALAM. ARSYI BRING ALONG HIS KITE THAT HE BOUGHT FROM MALACCA. TU PUN IDEA AKU JUGA. AND WHEN WE WERE THERE, BYK ORANG MAIN LAYANG2. ARYSI KITES NAIK TINGGI. SINCE ARSYI BRING TWO, IKA PLAY THE STRIPES AND ARSYI PLAY THE ORANGE. HELP BY HAKIM AND IZAM. SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SCENE AND WEATHER YESTERDAY. SAYANG NYA AKU TAK AMBIL GAMBAR BULAN PENUH.

Ika trying her best to control the kite.
Arsyi is abt to fly his kite

Hakim belo makan mee yang munah bawa. Behind him is Izam and Arsyi playing the kite.

Munah is watching them.

2009-02-02T13:13:00.018+08:00

Pergi ke Melaka lagi aku sabtu lepas. Munah terpaksa ke sana kerana urusan rumah dia di Melaka. Her husband can't take leave, so Munah merayu aku supaya temankan dia. Pergi sorang takut pula dia tu. Kesian punya pasal, pergi juga lah aku ni. Berdua lah kita, mcm muda2 dulu. Beg tangan yang berderet-deret semua tak ikut. Ada juga yang tanya kenapa tak boleh ikut. Hai, setakat satu hari satu malam pun nak ikut. Ish ish ish........

Selepas uruskan soal rumah, kita berdua pergi lah pasar malam. Pak Itam yang drive us there. Bukan apa yang kita beli, belacan, ikan bilis dan keropok lekor. Hahahah, jauh2 pergi itu ja lah yang kita beli. Cuba juga cari beg camera for Arry, but they dont have it like what he want. Tak putus asa, before we went home, we went out so much earlier so that we can find it in Mahkota Parade. But still they don't have like what Arry want. Penat mencari tak dapat juga, kita gi lah makan kan Pizza Hut. Three of us cost around $55 ringgit. Convert to Sing Dollars punya lah murah.

Tak sangka rupanya rumah Mak Itam buat kenduri arwah Pak Ngah yang dah meninggal setahun. Dan besok nya hari kita nak pulang, Nek Andak pulak buat kenduri. Sayang nya kita tak boleh hadir sebab kita nak keluar siang sikit sebab nak ke Mahkota Parade. Lagipun si Munah tu dah tak sabar, resah gelisah nak balek. Rindu anak ke rindu laki, atas punya orang aja tau.

Ini adalah Mak Ngah Rai dan Mak Itam Gayah. Mak Ngah umurnya 62 tahun. Tapi she doesn't look like one.

Ini Pak Itam aku. Suami nya Mak Itam. Bukan Guru Yahya tau...........

Ni Pak Long Rosli. Dia ni pemalu orang nya. Suruh pandang camera pun tak nak. He is one of my favourite. When we were so much younger, when I go Malacca we will go always out together.

Hari nak pulang tu, Ning kucing Pak Itam yang manja tu datang kat kita, apa lagi, aku ambil gambar dia byk2 and Munah pun tak nak ketinggalan posing ngan Ning.

Pak Itam kalau dokong Ning, macam dokong baby. She's damn cute.

This is me with Ning.

Ning dgn gaya yang manja.

Ni adalah gambar Nek Andak yang selalu ada mesyuarat tingkap dengan Mak Itam. Sebab rumah mereka terlalu dekat with each other. Kalau nak bercakap, kat tingkat ja lah yang paling senang.

Munah sedang enjoy her spaghetti kat Pizza Hut.

Pak Itam tak nak makan, nak Ice Cream aja. Dia kata tak reti makan makanana ni semua. I order Pitza and finally he ate some. Till next time we meet again Pak Itam. They are all very nice people.

2009-01-27T16:24:00.022+08:00

Went fishing last Saturday. Chinese New Year this year is a long holiday. Jadi nak hiburkan hati anak, especially Arsyi aku ask Mohd to go fishing with us. Sebab dia ja yang pandai pasang tali and everthing about rod and fishing. This time we go, ramai yang ikut. Ray and Jason aslo tag along. Beside aku dan anak2, the rest tak interested so I never invite them. It was not interesting for them. Nabil yang baru keluar dari camp also went with us. Aku masak nasi lemak, goreng chicken wing. Suka lah budak2 tu. Hakim sorang aja tak leh ikut. Kesian dia, kena jaga abang dia. They change owner again this time. It was control by this China man. So he tak begitu strict. Budak2 tu semua campak tangsi kat pond pun dia tak marah. Apa lagi kesukaan lah semua. They really enjoy themselve sampaikan si Jason ngoyok aku suruh pergi lagi besok. Aku kesian juga, but what to do, kalau byk phulus definitely I will go again the next day. Maklum lah long holiday. But I promise them, we will go again but time is not fix yet.
Ketika baru sampai, Mohd sebok uruskan rod yang baru. Sebab rod lama laki aku patahkan. Haish.......

This is the Chinaman. Was exlaining to us why we cannot extent our time even though we reach there at 11am. We have to stop at 7pm. Since kita semua tak tau cakap cina, we need Ray and Jason to translate to us.

Jason masih tak puas, masih merayu lagi.

Nabil and Jaja. Both of them were so excited sebab they can use just the string to catch the fish.

Arsy is the one who buy this string in a wooden spool

Then Ifa and Jaja also terbabit. Ifa was so excited sebab string dia byk kali ikan dah makan tapi terlepas.

Jason yang paling excited among the rest. Arry was watching him.

Aku duduk memerhati tapi muka sampai merah padam kena sunburn. Jaja mcm mana pun mesti nak posing.

Munah came over time kita dah nak balek. Sebab dia nak turun kat rumah aku, sempat gorengkan mee. Tapi sampai aja cari nasi lemak aku. hahahahahah

Nabil kepala botak, but still smiling. Arry, Nabil and Ray pergi sana sambil jogging from my hse to the pond. So aku, Arsyi, and Jason we go first. Ifa reach there after school and Jaja came by herself.
Arsy nya string manage to get a fish. Mohd cakap ikan kapas. So Nabil was trying his best to take out the hook dari mulut ikan.
Ika came later dgn ibu dia pun sebok nak posing juga.

Munah came over dgn bawakan aku durian struddle. OMG it is so delicious. My favourite u know. Thanks Munah, appreciate that.

Semua kebulur, tgh makan nasi lemak. Dengan muka aku yang hodoh ni pun Sue nak ambil gambar. All the pictures here is from Sue's handphone. Thanks for your contribution.

2009-01-22T12:40:00.003+08:00

I was going through my Multiply link when I come across this article. It is so damn right. So sad dgn anak2 melayu yang berangan kebaratan dan lupa harga diri. Terlalu mengikut cara dan tata susila orang barat sampai terlupa akan hukum2 agama. Lupa dosa, lupa halal haram, lupa neraka. Subhanallah.... Apa lah yang nak jadi dgn dunia sekarang ni.

READ ON.......

WHAT'S THE RUSH?

The family denies strongly that they're typical Malays but looking at it, pot calling the kettle black. Mat dgn Minah taik nak tunang. Y I kol dem bdk2 taik? Coz yg lelaki ni mat rep tgh NS & the minah is graduating soon from ITE but blum dpt keje kuntang kanting cari keje utk dpt kan $$$. Maklumlah mat rep tgh NS & until now I duno y he wont get a PERMANENT part-time job and let his minah mcm 'cari $$$ by workin for him'. Its true wat people said that wen love is blind diorang sanggup lakukan apa saja.
I'm not surprised if 1 day the minah has to work to support the mat rep. Bila ,mat rep tu tkd $$$ dtg rumah minah tu abiskan beras je. Kata mak minah tu takpe la...sedekah.
Makcik, kalau jantan tu dtg time tkd $$$ nak abiskan beras dat is wat u kol sedekah? Nak kawinkan dia dgn anak makcik? ARE YOU BEING RETARDED? CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES? Nak tunangkan jugak? Gasak korang la. Typical Malays.
Mana diorang dapatkan $$$ nak tunang pun I duno. Pasang cameraman konon. Mana ada orang tunang USUALLY nak pasang cameraman. Tolol betul!!!
Aku bukan sakit hati ke apa but kalau boleh dun let any more victims fall into the young Malay marriages trend dats happening btwn Mats & Minahs la. Byk yang kawin cerai bersepah dgn anak dlm pram and kids wif horrible hairstyles at such a young age.
And to think that the minah is saying that dia nak kawin so that she can gain freedom.

AND THIS IS MY COMMENT TO HER

I agree with u dear. So sad seing bangsa sendiri cam ni. Freedom is not by marrying. It make things worst with all the resposibilites yang mendatang. Good Luck to them. Cheers!!!!!

AND HER ANSWER

Yes they proceeded to do the engagement & the gerl says in her blog that on the engagement day, she will be his
WTF!!???
Does she even know that tunang means just 'official' bf/gf and NOT LAWFULLY wedded. So she does not have the bragging rights to say that she is his's. Sedangkan orang kawin bleh cerai inikan tunang kan.
What is happening to young Malay couples in this era. I as a Malay pun malu sak. Frens been asking y gerls my race getting more & more marrying young. Trend eh?
But I'm wondering...

2009-01-19T13:42:00.003+08:00

Went to Pusara Aman and Pusara Abadi yesterday. I saw dua helang terbang di awan. Cuba juga nak tangkap gambar from my hp, tak dapat. Too far I think. Its beautiful.

Reach home around 11am. Tidur satu jam. Bangun sebab nak masak. Ifa said she's hungry. I was upset about certain things. I was not in a good mood, skali Hakim belo datang setelah dia menghilang sejak keputusan O level di umumkan. Apa lagi, dgn dia skali aku lepaskan. Jangan kita salahkan nasib kalau keadaan menjadi buruk. Setiap perkara yang berlaku, ada hikmah disebaliknya. Kita harus redha jika kita tahu kita telah berusaha sedaya upaya. Kenapa kita harus malu dan bersembunyi. Itu lah yang aku katakan pada si belo. I think he's much better now.

Rumah ni sunyi setelah Nabil masuk camp. Sebab dia yang selalu buat kecoh. I miss him. I think my husband must have miss him too. Dia pun asyik tanya bila Nabil keluar. Nabil keluar banyak plan dah menanti. Haha..... Nak pergi fishing lah, nak pergi JB lah. Tak tahu lah kalau menjadi. Only God Knows.

2009-01-11T11:18:00.005+08:00

Basri came home last friday from camp. Malam nya he said he want go to pasar malam. I ask him for what. He said he want to buy kebab. Ifa, Arry and me kirim also. But when he came home he bring me a pot of orkid plant. How thoughtful of him. He knows I luv this plant. I appreciate for his thoughtfullness. Little things like this does make me feel happy. He miss Nabil. I know that. The bond that he have with Nabil is special. They always look up for each other. Nabil pun suka manjakan dia. Now Nabil is in the Army camp. He will only be back on the 23rd. He call me last night while I was playing badminton. He sounds happy and ask me to wait for him to come back. Kadang2, kasih sayang orang luar lebih terserlah dari keluarga sendiri. Terharu rasa hati ni. Masih ada yang sayang. Walaupun banyak yang membenci. Aku bersyukur pada yang Esa.

This is the plant that Arsy bought for me. Beautiful isn't it. I will treasure it dear.

Went to polyclinic yesterday. Munah, Ika, Zai bantot and Ira also went together. Balik from poly, hantar Ifa to CC to get her edusave award. She's a very shy person. Dekat macam ni pun aku mesti kena ikut. Manage to capture one picture of her.

So proud of her too. My children is everything to me. Dari yang kecil sampai yang besar. Cuma kadang2, anak2 tak memahami hati kita. Selalu salah anggap dan salah sangka. Macam mana kita satu ibu menyelami hati mereka, mereka tak dapat buat sebegitu dgn kita.

For my son Arry,

The pain that u feel right now, I've gone through all this. Backstabbing is not something new. I feel it too son. Aku selalu tak rela bila melihat anak2 dalam kesedihan dan kesusahan. Hati aku sangat2 merasa apa yang anak2 aku rasakan. Suka dan duka adalah lumrah hidup. Allah tak akan menduga umat nya sedemikian jika umat nya tak larat untuk mengharungi nya. Ingat lah, setiap sakit yang Allah turunkan, balasan nya madu yang akan kita terima. Hanya masa yang menentukan. Setiap perbuatan ada balasannya. Hanya masa yang menentukan. Banyak2 bawa bersabar. Ingat tuhan kerana tuhan tu sentiasa ingatkan kita. And Jaja, always listen to my advice kalau nak hidup diberkati. Doa ibu selalu di perkenankan Allah. So jgn suku buat sesuatu mengikut kehendak hati. Jangan buat apa yang Ibu tak suka, akan selamat lah di dunia dan di akhirat.

Dunia ni hanya lah lakonan hidup. Dunia ni hanya sementara sahaja. Buat baik balasan nya baik. Buat jahat balasan nya jahat. All of u my children, are very special to me in your own different way. I LUV U ALL. GOD BLESS U.

2009-01-05T15:38:00.005+08:00

I went to the toilet to bath Saturday morning. Tak sadar ada burung sesat inside the toilet. I turn on the tap dia terkejut and started to fly. Anjat gegerl.....

So after finish bathing, I wake Arsyi up to catch the bird. Sekali Arsyi pun tak boleh tangkap. In the end, aku campakkan baju terus dia tak leh terbang. Ha ha.... caught it.

It was a beautiful bird. So I put inside Aduka cage. Bodoh punya aku, cage Aduka lobang besar, burung boleh keluar. Terus hinggap kat pokok cempaka aku. Manage to take a shot of this beautiful creature before it started to fly away. It makes my day......

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL YELLOW BIRD, I THINK IT'S OF A PARROT SPECIES

IT'S ABOUT TO FLY

MY DARLING ADUKA RELAXING

2008-12-27T14:52:00.006+08:00

On the night of Christmas day, Jaja suggested that we celebrate Arry's birthday on the strike of 12midnight. I agreed. Jaja was suppose to get the cake, finally its me who bought the cake and Hakim Belo was late meeting me at Eastpoint. Hakim decided to get another cake for my husband since his birthday fall on the 29th. So we celebrate together, senang kan. As usual laki aku mmg tak minat ni birthday2, kata dia. Tapi macam mana pun he will cut the cake as we ask him to.

Sebenarnya Arry told me he dont want to celebrate. Dont trouble myself he said. But I know, he will still be happy walaupun hanya sebuah cake yang aku adakan pada malam itu. I told Nabil we will be cutting the cake at 12midnight. Nabil bargain with me to do it much earlier. I though bec he have to go to work the next morning. Rupanya dia dah ada plan dgn Aryy to attend Fuad chalet. Hmmmm....what to do. I just do as they please. I try very hard to delay Arry's timing with the help of Nabil to stop him from going out earlier. Finally the cake was cut near to 11pm.

Zai bantot happen to call my mobile when I was at Estpt with Hakim asking me am I celebrating Arry birthday tomorrow, which is 26th the actual day itself. I said no, Jaja decided to do it tonight. Zai bantot decided to join in with her children. Walaupun she tak happy. She wanted me to celebrate Arry birthday on the actual day itself. I said its ok since Arry dont want me to celebrate his birthday. So we decided to give him a surprise.

Munah already plan Sue's birthday on the 1st of January. Dia ajak combine Arry's birthday skali. We decided to have a picnic there. So I will just tell Munah later when she came back from Malacca that just buy for Sue's cake will do. We have a very simple celebration for Arry already.

After cutting the cake, Arry tak sabar2 nak keluar dgn Nabil. So left us with Hakim belo. And the children main armwrestling dgn si Belo. And they went home after 12am.

For the past year, setiap kali Arry keluar rumah, atau ke kedai nak beli rokok, demi Allah hati aku tak pernah tenang. Setiap kali dia keluar rumah aku tak putus berdoa jangan terjadi apa2 sebelum umur dia menjejak 18tahun. Hati aku sekarang begitu lega setelah umur dia berusia 18tahun. Hanya orang2 yang tertentu tahu kenapa. Aku bersyukur, dalam diam umur nya sudah pun mencapai 18tahun. Mudah mudahan, Allah sentiasa melindungi dia. Buat lah apa yang telah terjadi pada masa lalu sebagai satu iktibar.

Since aku tak dapat ambil gambar semasa Arry potong cake, I put this picture of Nabil, me and Arry.

Ni dia gambar si Bapak tgh potong cake. Tapi gambar cake tak nampak. Bodoh punya camera.

Ifa dgn Nas tgh armwrestle.

Nas kalah arm wrestle dgn si Hakim belo.

2008-12-22T14:53:00.011+08:00

As promised, I have upload gambar2 korban pada Hari Raya Haji di Melaka.

Semasa aku sampai di kandang lembu, aku terlihat seekor lembu yang baru melahirkan anak. Tali pusat masih lagi melekat pada si anak. Aku fikir, kesiannya lembu yang baru melahirkan akan di sembelih sebentar lagi. Rupanya aku salah. hahahaa.....Its not that lembu.

Si ibu kelihatan menjilat anak yang baru lahir kerana nak membersihkan si anak.

This shot was taken when Sue baru berjalan keluar dari kandang kambing. Alangkah manis nya anak dara berbaju kurung. Tak da pakaian yang lebih senonoh dari pakaian tradisional kita.

Lembu di ikat ke empat2 kakinya dan juga mulut nya.

Kemudian di tumbangkan supaya senang untuk di sembelih.

Baru di sembelih

Setelah selesai sembelih. Kesian bila melihat nya.

Khamis lepas aku bawa Basri for swimming. Followed by Izam, Nas and Zul. Boys are boys, bila dah berendam kat air susah nak suruh naik. It started because aku kesiankan Arsyi. He was suppose to go for picnic last Wednesday. But was cancelled due to unforseen circumstances. So to make him happy, pergi pool pun jadi lah. Akhir nya si munah dan anak dara pingitan nya pun turut serta. Tak boleh kalau anak dia salah satu ikut aku kemana-mana. Mesti dia nak turun jengokkan anak dia. Munah munah........

Arsyi kesejukkan

Haizul tak sabar2 nak masuk pool

Apa kena dgn si Mat Kental 4 orang ni....

Posing nampak.....posing nampak

2008-12-14T14:59:00.011+08:00

I received a call from munah saying that izam will be having a match with tampines rovers under 16 I guess. I said so sorry, I can't go becauce I'm going marketing tomorrow. Nanti balek pasir siang ikan and do everything mesti penat. She said its ok then. But I tell everyone who's free to go and support him. Too bad Arry and Hakim have to work. Except Nabil. I thought of asking Ray to come along, but I'm scared he might be busy. Skali late night Ray came over to my hse and said that he was so free yesterday. Alamak, wasted lah. I told him never mind, next time I call u. But bila besok nya on the way to market, aku mcm kesian pulak dgn Izam. Siapa lagi nak support dia kalau tak kita2 ni kan. So I decided to go. I finish my housework rather late after coming back from market. So I was left with no choice but to take cab there. Anak sedara punya pasal, aku, ifa, ira and Nabil we went together in one cab.

The game was good and fun. Izam was not bad. He manage to save many goals. But as promised with the mediacop people, we cannot reveal anything untill 28th December. I will just show the pictures here. Sue was the most excited humans living on earth yesterday. Shouting and shouting without thinking. She was so proud of Izam that she had to shout and say Izam is lionel lewis. Until I have to stop her and said that Izam is special in his own way. He is not and never will be Lionel Lewis. Izam will be Izam and will always be proud of Izam. He is special because he is Izam and not Lionel Lewis. I hope Sue will get what I'm trying to say.

After the game is over, we follow the bus to Eunos MRT. From there, we had our dinner and as usual the children is so kecoh.

Aku nak take Izam pic, but sebok ni tiga orang.

Izam action in fieldIzam was abt to receive an award

Izam receiving the award

Sue kecoh tumpang glamour
Izam with all the guys, Nas, Izam, Ally(part time gangster), Nabil and Arsyi in front row

Bangga seorang ibu pada si anak

Selalu nya bila ada occasion mcm ni, kita semua akan turun dan memberi sokongan padat pada tak kira siapa, asalkan dia anak2 kita atau anak2 sedara kita. Aku tetap merasa bangga, kerana darah yang mengalir, tak semua tapi masih ada darah kita bersama. Sayang dan kesian selalu bermain di hati aku kalau apa pun yang berlaku. Walaupun bukan anak sendiri. Tapi kegembiraan aku pada hari itu tersentak bila aku terima msg dari adik aku Leha.

Aku selalu di tuduh sensitive. Very sensitive. Aku selalu di tuduh salah faham. Aku selalu dianggap tak memahami. Tapi aku sendiri tertanya-tanya teruk sangat ke perangai aku ni sampai kan adik2 aku tak boleh datang jumpa aku dan bersemuka apa pun jua masaalah yang ada. Susah sangat ke nak jumpa aku, atau talipon aku minta pendapat. Bagi aku apa jua masaalah yang kita hadapi, kita harus bersikap jujur dan berterus-terang, jadi perkara kecil tak jadi besar. Apa yang aku inginkan cuma kejujuran and terangkan pada aku apa rancangan dia yang sebenarnya. As she says, "I know this thing is going to happen, that's why I don't tell u." Its ironic isn't it. By telling me or by not telling me will make things worst.

Aku sangat2 memahami masaalah yang dia hadapi. Niat aku cuma satu. Aku ikhlas ingin menolong walaupun aku tahu anak aku bukan lah bijak sangat. Seperti yang aku cakapkan pada munah, "kalau adik2 kita senang, kita pun tumpang senang, sebab kita tak perlu lagi nak memikirkan kesusahan mereka. Walaupun kalau kita tak mampu skali pun nak menolong dgn wang ringgit, tapi hati akan tenang bila mereka senang."

Dan kata dia, its only a small matter. Memang its a small matter if only she come and tell me what is her plan. So I would understand what she's facing. She has many chances to tell me face to face, since Haizul birthday. Why didn't she do it. Aku sangat memahami masaalah yang dia hadapi. Aku masih boleh di bawa berbincang. Susah sangat ke nak jumpa atau talipon aku. Memang aku boleh hitung dgn jari dalam dua tiga bulan, bila dia ada menalipon aku, bila dia ada menjengok aku, bila dia ada bertanya khabar. Alasan nya tetap sama. Sebok dengan tugas harian. Sebok dgn anak-anak. Penat bila pulang kerja. Mesti nak rehat. Tapi dia punya masa utk shopping dan shopping dan ketempat lain. Aku tau diri. Memang aku tak penting dalam hidup dia. Walaupun kita sama darah mengalir. Aku biasa ditanya, tuhan dan duit, mana datang dulu. Sekarang ni aku benar2 faham apa maksud soalan ni. Memang duit datang dulu. Bila kita orang berada, orang semua pandang kita mulia. Bila kita orang yang tak berduit, masa mmg tak pernah ada untuk kita. Walaupun hanya talipon yang 5minit.

Kalau betul aku ni seorang yang tak boleh dibawa berbincang dan very very sensitive, kenapa dulu arwah mak masih hidup, segala masaalah adik-beradik aku lah orang yang pertama mak cari. Aku lah tempat mak mengadu keloh kesah dia. Dan aku lah orang pertama yang mak cari kalau ada kenduri kendara. Jawap nya senang, sebab naluri seorang ibu sangat prihatin setiap anak yang dia lahirkan. Kerana mak tahu aku memahami apa pun masaalah dia, dan akan aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk menolong mak. Apa adik2 aku semua tak ada flaws diaorang sendiri ke. Are they too perfect. Sad, very sad. Kalau aku ni kaya raya, agaknya aku akan selalu dicari untuk menyelesaikan masaalah yang ada. Mungkin ..........

Tapi aku tak kesal, apa yang berlaku memang sudah tulisan hidup aku. Cuma satu aku pinta, jujur lah pada aku dan jgn sampai apa pun yang berlaku aku tahu dari orang ketiga. Dan jgn salahkan munah. Dia tak mengadu pun dgn aku. Cuma dalam perbualan terkeluar yang ida ada tutor. Itu saja. And anyway, Leha biasa cakap dgn aku, "aku suka dgn adik-beradik rosli, kalau dia orang tak happy with each other, they will talk it out dan luahkan isi hati masing2."

And its ironic again what she has done to me. She choose to sms me rather than talk to me. Dan aku tetap yang bersalah dalam apa jua skali pun. Aku pun dah lali dgn semua ini. Akhir kata, semuga semua adik2 hidup dalam aman dan berbahagia. Jangan pedulikan aku, tak worth it. Perasaan aku tak perlu dijaga. Aku memang tak penting dalam hidup korang semua. I'm a very sensitive person.

But I'm proud, kerana Mak dan Abah mendikik aku jadi begini. This is what I am. And I am proud to be me.

2008-12-10T13:50:00.038+08:00

Malacca was fun. This is the first time anak2 angkat aku turut serta. Kecoh setengah gila. Let the picture tell the story.

Aku dan Ifa dalam bas selepas bertolak dari Singapore.

Di Melaka Town. Baru tiba di Melaka. Jaja dan Arry.

Sue, Ika dan Arsy baru sampai Malacca town.

Ketika baru sampai, all of them was so excited. They took pictures like nobody business. Beratus-ratus gambar aku rasa. Penat betul bila aku tengok. After kita duduk berbual2 Nabil ternampak motor kat luar. It happens to be Nurul's bike. Apa lagi, they pujuk Pak Itam kasi dia orang main motor. Lepas sorang-sorang tumpang Nabil. Sebab dia aja yang dah tau bawa bike. Hakim yang prep satu tak pass pass, nak bawa motor juga. I told them jgn naik motor dgn Hakim. Baru prep satu dah mcm ya ya. Semua orang ketawakan dia. Biasa lah, nasib baik si Hakim ni muka selamba.

Jaja tompang motor yang Nabil pinjam dari Pak Itam

Hakim tak dapat bawa motor on the road, posing dgn tunang dia. (bertunang waktu di melaka ja. Kat Singapore terus putus tunang.)

Then kita singgah ke rumah Mak Ngah Rai. Sebelum tu, Munah ajak aku pergi tengok rumah dia yang di beli di Melaka. Not bad. Kalau banyak masa, di tepi rumah dia, ada tanah lapang yang boleh kita tanam bermacam2 pokok yang berkenan di hati. Sayang nya, tanah itu penuh dgn lalang.

Nabil dan Arry kat rumah Ngah Rai.

After that, hari pun dah mula gelap. Semua orang bersiap sebab kita nak ke Serkam. Makan ikan bakar. Sepanjang perjalanan, all the kids, sing along. Terlalak-lalak. Aku dan munah pun sekali sekala join in juga. Punya lah bising. OMG, sampai sana, kita order kupang tiga pinggan besar tak cukup. Kita order sampai lima pinggan. Tu pun they ask me to order more. I said no. Ikan dua macam, udang, sotong, kupang, apa lagi nak. Kita kena $181 ringgit. I guess if that kind of food in Singapore, $300 mesti jejak punya.

Baru habis makan di Serkam.

Lepas makan kita pulang. Perut aku terlalu senak kekenyangan. Duduk sambil sapu minyak rimau. Ramai pula yang turut duduk kat luar. Si bujang bujang aku pun nak bergambar dgn muka aku yang macam toya.

Nabil dgn acrobat nya.

Ketika di Malacca town.

Di dalam muzium

Besok nya, selepas sarapan, kita semua bertolak ke Malacca Town. Initially kita nak gi Gunung Ledang mandi air terjun. But too bad, dari hari pertama kita sampai hari hujan terus menerus. So Mak Itam and Pak Itam tak kasi kita gi sana. We change plan. Selepas kita berjalan-jalan, kita decided to go shopping and eat at Kenny Rogers. The chicken is delicious. Hakim kena giat teruk2 pasal credit card. I tell him since he have a credit card, so u blanja kita lah. Pucat pucat muka si Hakim. I can see that he is very nervous. Aku ketawa sampai nak terkencing. Nasib baik dah makan obat dulu. Kalau tak terburai juga ketawakan Hakim.

Then we proceed to my uncle hse. Nama dia aku panggil Cik Jalil. Dia sudah berpangkat datuk and his wife is datin. Tapi both of them is so humble. His sons was quite handsome. But somehow or rather, I was never comfortable with rich people. Anak dia nak kahwin this 27th Dec 2008. But I am not going. Munah will be going sebab cucu sedara dia pun kahwin on the same day. So kill two birds with one stone. Kita pulang ke rumah Pak Itam dah masuk Isya. Leha and Rosli side all dah sampai. Tapi they stay over at Nek Andak hse. But something happen. Its quite sad to hear what Pak cik have to say abt Hakim and Nabil. After that I went back to Pak itam hse, Hakim kena marah ngan aku. But they tell me their side of story. Baru aku faham. Pak cik rupa nya salah sangka dan tak tahu apa yg sebenarnya berlaku. Tak baik kan buruk sangka. Tak pa lah. Tuhan lebih mengetahui.

Besok nya lagi, pagi si pompan2 dah mandi dan bersiap. Sebab tghhari kita dah nak bertolak balek. Sebelum pulang, aku sempat pergi tengok orang sembelih lembu. I will upload the picture next time. Yang si jantan2 tu bangun lambat. Sebab dia orang tak habis2 berborak dan terkekek2 dgn si Hakim sampai 3 pagi. Anyway Pak Itam ada pelihara satu kucing. Kucing parsi kacok dgn kucing siam. She is so beautiful. Nama dia Ning.

Me with Ning. Arysi with Ning. Mata Ning dgn mata aku sama kan.

2008-12-01T13:59:00.003+08:00

INI GAMBAR AKU BERSAMA BIRTHDAY BOY (HAIZUL ALI)

YAT BERSAMA AIMIN TEMBAM

Last Saturday was Haizul birthday celebration. His actual birthday falls on the 26th November 08. Since it falls on weekdays, usually we will celebrate it over the weekend. Pagi nya aku ke singseh, then aku ke office Lela to pass the seluar, sebab Lela cannot make it to Melaleuka. Then aku proceed to Melaleuka and meet Munah there. Lepas tu go and buy handphone for Ifa. Reach home around 3pm. I'm dead tired. Dah lah cash out duit from POSB is a disastor. Imagine all the 4atm machine is out of money. First time I face this problem with POSB. Parah seh.

So pendekkan cerita, aku sampai rumah Zai bantot agak lambat. Around 4.30pm. Tu pun baju yang aku basuh tak sempat sidai. Budak2 macam biasa, mesti tanya aku, "Mak Ngah, main badminton tak nari." Aku jawap, tengok dulu. So bila sampai ja, bantot dah stress sebab kita lambat. After 10mins I reach there, Munah pun sampai. Anak2 dia dah tanya pasal badminton. Lagi hot ah si bantot. Keluar tandok, keluar asap berkepul-kepul dgn api kemarahan. Dah lah dtg lambat, nak main badminton lagi. Dah satu kerja nak pujuk dia pula. Haish...... Orang tua merajuk punya lah buruk. Lucky after that aku suggest kita karaoke. Baru lah sejuk balik hati si bantot tu. hahahahahhahahah.......

Masing2 tak nak kalah tunjukkan bakat masing2. Baru lah suasana aman kembali. Banyak betul hadiah si onyok tu. Happy seh dia. Memang dah lumrah kita2 ni sekarang dah gila main badminton. Mula nya aku cuma nak hiburkan hati si Basri dan Nas. Waktu itu pada hari open hse rumah si bantot, raya tahun ni. Dari tingkap aku nampak Nas dan Basri main badminton. So aku turun and join them, sebab rumah bantot ramai sangat orang. Aku mula rasa lemas.

Tak sangka, ramai yang sekaki. Anak2 aku dan anak2 sedara aku, termasuk anak2 angkat aku, Nabil dan Ray. Semenjak hari itu, kami dah mula berjinak2 dgn permainan ini. Sekarang seminggu dua atau tiga kali kita mesti turun gelanggang. Mula2 mmg aku tak ada confident langsung, but now I think I'm quite good. Hehe.... And I told my children, it is a healthy gathering. I like it. OK, lets enjoy the pictures that I took during the karaoke session.

SI KERING BERDUET DGN AZIE TANGKAP GLAMOUR

VETERAN ZALEHA HAMID DGN LAGU MARIAH CAREY (KENCANG SEH!!!!)

VETERAN MUNAH DGN LAGU DI PINGGIRAN OLEH FRANZ (BOLEH TAHAN)

tudung semua tanggal

VETERAN ZAI BANTOT BARU LEPAS MERAJUK

PENYANYI DI IMPORT FROM INDIA YANG BERNAMA NUR (TU JA NAMA DIA)

PENYANYI UNDANGAN DIKIR BARAT DARI KUMPULAN ADUKA BERNAMA SHU

2008-11-20T16:37:00.008+08:00

Went to Basri's School just now to get his PSLE results. 11.30am aku, ifa, timah, ira and nas we proceed to the school. Basri tak nak pergi ngan aku. Dia pergi dgn Syaiful.

So, finally the result were given and he got 191. Aku tahu its not that good. But I'M SO PROUD OF HIM for doing his best. Aku sebenarnya tak confident langsung he will get this pts. Sebab tuition teacher dia yang angkuh tu dah cakap yang anak aku paling2 pun dapat around 18+. Dapat ja result, aku sms dia, this is what I said "THANK U FOR UR KINDNESS AND FOR GIVING UP ON MY SON. FYI BASRI GET 191." Ah kau, tu sikit tu. Ikutkan hati macam2 aku nak cakap. Tapi malas nak layan orang macam ni.

My son is a very playfull boy. I'm not contented, but I feel happy for him cause at least he manage to go to express. Itu ja lah harapan aku. Aku tak da cita2 langsung yang he can go to a good school. Not like his cousin Nas. He manage to get 231. Well, of course, since anak2 timah semua nya gifted.

But I tell him, jgn putus asa, during your secondary years, u can prove urself if u change ur attitude of studying. U can still be somebody if u want to. It all depends on u. Getting good PSLE result doesn't prove anything yet. Tak tahu lah kalau dia dengar cakap aku. Kalau tak nasib dia lah. Gasak lah Arsyi......

Balek from the school we went to Swensen. Asryi cakap aku dah janji if he manage to go to Express. NO CHOICE, have to bring him, Tapi Temah yang banyak keluar duit. Aku tompang ja. Tok Tompang lah katakan.

Anyway, I want to thank Arry, Nabil and Hakim for their last minute crash course with Arsyi after his tuition teacher left him one month before his PSLE.

ARIGATOHOZAIMAS.

Si kecut and Si Debap who just graduated.

This is my choice of ice cream MIGHTY NUTTY. YUMMYYYYY Sedaaappppppp.

IRA, enjoy nampak enjoy nampak

IFA, makan pun stress.......

2008-11-18T16:36:00.006+08:00

It was a very tiring day for me last saturday. I intent to collect basri passport on Monday. Tapi si bantot cakap saturday lagi senang. Tak ganggu waktu kerja aku. Betul juga. So I decided to go last Sat. It took us nearly 3hrs to get our number being call up. Half way through, dah duduk dekat 1jam lebih, aku ternampak orang pegang their old passport in their hand. OMG..... then I realise aku terlupa bawa basri nya old passport. Apa lagi, terus kol Ifa and ask her to bring down Arsyi passport. Lucky si grumpy tu nak. Kalau tak sesia ja aku gi ICA.

Balek, kita gi makan kat beach road food centre. Yummy....mee goreng mama kat sana is always happening. Then we proceed to East Point to collect my new phone. N66. Mula2 aku tak begitu suka this phone sebab dia slide phone. Due to my previous experience, macam serik nak beli slide phone. But after holding it for few days, I fell in love with it.

Lepas tu balek rumah dah kat pukol 3lebih. Penat setengah mampos, habis da janji muna nak gi Republic Poly to watch Sue perform, terpaksa tunaikan juga janji. I don't quite fancy this kinda performance anymore, maklumlah umur dah meningkat senja. Aku imagine myself sleeping throughout the whole perfromance. I was dead wrong. The show is superb. Yang paling menarik sekali is the drum performance by this group called ZingO. Two tumbs up for me. Very interesting the way they choreograph the whole performance.

Dan selalunya aku tak suka ambil gambar posing2 dgn artis. I feel that by doing this artis tu lagi ngada2. Tapi hari tu lain betul. First aku berkenan sangat dgn si Shabir tu. Dia tu indian muslim. I like his song very much. Its catchy and sedap telinga mendengar. Sayang nya lagu dia dalam bahasa tamil. But susunan musik dia is something diff. Not the kind of Indian music yang memekak. And manis sungguh rupa dia. hahahahahahaha........... And aku pun posing lah dgn dia. Tapi yang aku tak faham si keling2 kat RP tu semua nya tak gi kat dia. Tak ambil gambar pun. Diaorang dok syok berbual ko one corner. So stupid. Kesian Sabir. Nevermind, at least aku dapat ambil gambar dgn dia, aku happy siak........eksyen matreb.....

The best part is when photo taking with Hyrul Anwar. He is such a nice guy and sopan skali. Tak sombong and quite pemalu orang nya. But aku happy siak.....dapat ambil gambar ngan dia....

Tak nak cakap banyak ah, bawah ni is the picture taken. Let the picture tell the story......

AKU, HYRUL AND ZAI BANTOT

GAMBAR BERSAMA SUFIA, WHO PERFORM ON THAT DAY

AMACAM, HANSOME KAN HERO AKU.

2008-11-03T15:26:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday, munah and her two kids, zai bantot and her kids, me and all my children, termasuk anak2 angkat aku yang berbilang bangsa main badminton. Dah jadi mcm trend gitu, badminton on weekends, sometime weekdays. Hahaha.....exercise beb.

So Sunday was suppose to be my rest day and byk kerja nak bikin. Invoicing belum habis, kain baju berlambak2 tak bergosok. Munah early morning dah sms nak aja gi chill kat pasir park nya pantai. Aku cakap aku buzy. Then tiba2 kesian pulak. So I tell her late noon than I come. When Arry and Nabil bangun tidur, I ask them to tag along. At last they agreed. Konon nya si pomplek2 nak main basikal. In the end, kita keluar dari rumah dia at 9pm.

We take bus 403 sampai end. We walk to the left. It was a beautiful place. I use to go to pasir ris beach. But tak sampai ke situ. They have a very very long bench facing the sea. It is so near to the beach. Pulak tu semalam baru lepas hujan. The weather is so nice and cooling. Sue, Ika, Arry, Nabil, Ifa and Basri duduk berborak mcm2 cerita. Basri tok selampit tak lepas peluang pun buka cerita. Aku dgn Munah sit one corner tak campur budak2 nya hal.

I really like that place. I told Nabil, next time we come her for picnic eh Bil. He said alright Mak Cik. Hahahaha..... I really mean it. Such a nice place.

2008-10-21T15:16:00.005+08:00

GOODBYE MY LOVE

For the past seven years, I've been playing scrabble with my online friends. There's a few that became close till now. June pass away two years ago. But the person who is so close to me is Nancy, which I call her NANA. I still remember the first time I met her, it was just few months away from SEPT 11 trajedy. I told her, "for ur info, I'm a muslim and of malay heritage." And she replied, "It's ok Asni, my granddaughter roommate is also a muslim." There and then I knew that this special person, has a very good heart. From that very day, I get close to her. For seven years, we never lost contact. Even when the site has close and we manage to get another site. We never stop playing. As time pass, Nana was diagnosed with cancer of the throat. And it got worse each passing day.

From a jovial person, she became so quiet. But I understand her condition. Linda and me, we never fail to make her laugh with our stupid jokes. On the third of October, she seems to be so different. She is not so quiet. She laugh and jokes, as though she is not in pain. When I ask her, "are u feeling better Nana". She said yes. Much better. We never see her the next day onwards. She said she is having this radiation treatment, which is of high risk. Me and Linda told her that we will never stop praying for her. We waited and waited. She never turn up. Emails sent to her and her son David was never replied. Thinking that maybe they don't receive it, I sent her a get well card.

To my surprise, I receive an email from David. When I saw David's name, my heart beat so fast......

This is the email that I received:-

Asni, I am so sorry to have to give you this news, but my mother passed away on the 7th of October. I have not been very prompt in telling you this as I was trying to figure out a good way to tell you. I finally decided that there is no good way – we all miss her so much. I have a little girl, she is 10 years old and she wanted you to know that my mom died in my father’s arms and that she was in her home. She thinks that this is exactly how her grandmother would have wanted it and I think so too. My mom was a great mother and she left me with a good moral character, which I will pass, to my children. She very much liked you, and often talked about you and your family. She asked me many times if United Airlines (which I work for) flew to Singapore – she fancied the thought of traveling their to visit you. You were a good friend to her and you enriched her life. For that, I would like to thank you.My father (Bennie) is doing better than anyone could have expected. They were married for 57 years. For the last couple of years he has spent most of his time caring for mom. Now, the house must seem pretty empty for him. He still gets up in the morning and immediately goes to check on Mom, until he realizes again that she is not there. I was in Japan when my mother passed, but was able to get on a flight back home that left only 2 hours after I was told. My sister spent the first night with my dad and my family and I spent the next 5 nights. After a couple of nights on his own, he came down to visit my family and I for a few days. We have asked him to move in with us and he said maybe, but not anytime soon. We will keep asking him. I think it would be good for my family too. My dad would like to call you sometime, as you were close to my mom (her favorite). Would you mind sending me your telephone number and tell us the best time of day to call, so that he could do that? We don’t mean to intrude, but he would like to thank you for being such a good friend. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to e-mail me (chilebeer@hotmail.com). Also, if you wouldn’t mind, could you please pass along this news to anyone else that you think would want to know? Thank you, and once again I am sorry to give you this sad news.

Sincerely,

David May.

And this is my reply:-

Dear David,

Every single day, Me and Linda have been waiting for Nana. Every single day I pray that Nana will get better. Every single day when I on my PC I will go to our scrabble lobby looking for her. Every single day I talk to Linda about Nana, how is she doing now. The very last day I play with her, she is so different. She is so cheerful and she's trying to tell us that she is getting better. I think, the next day she pass away.David, while writing to you, I cried like a child. I can't control my tears. We have always dream of visiting each other. From the time I know her, she wanted to visit me. But because it was too early, Ben was scared that we don't know each other better. Up to the last moment we were together, we have been dreaming of visiting one another. I think, our hope was never granted. I never regret the time that we spend together, it was so wonderful. She was a kind and soft hearted lady that I know, through and through. She was the first person who open up to me.She is so special to me David. How much I luv her and miss her, words can't express it. Linda regret not asking her which hospital she is going to. We talk abt it everyday.Thinking that both of you didn;t receive my email. I send a card to her. And honestly, the card is gonna reach her in 2 to 3 days time. And I was hoping she would reply. I have been denying this feeling that Nana is not coming to play. I have sense it David. But I don't trust my own feeling. Even Linda was saying yesterday, Nana is not coming back is it. She ask me. Don't say that Linda, Nana is coming back. Oh my god, I can't stop crying David. I miss her....I miss my Nana.......I promise that when I visit her, I will cook for her breakfast, and Linda will cook lunch. And we will sit at the verandah playing scrabble, we will take very good care of her. We we always talking like this. And she would laugh.David, I lost June and now I lost Nana. From four of us, now left two. I am very thankful that you finally decided to break this sad news to us. Or else I will still be hoping and waiting at the lobby for her. Even though I can't accept it at this moment.Take good care my dear David. Send my luv to everyone and especially Ben. Thank him for taking good care of Nana. I will miss her FOREVER........This is my mobile number : 96707642But I don't know what is the country code. Maybe u can find out from ur service provider. The moment u receive this email is 12.33pm. You can tell Ben to call me after 8pm Singapore time. I don't know what time it will be there.

LUV

ASNI

This is Nana, her mother, her daughter and granddaughter

When I was talking to Linda and Jason who knows her, and our scrabble buddies too, zai bantot and jaja was online with me. I was still in tears......

This is what jaja say to me in her msn:-

Miss Bella Luna says absolutely zero . . says:
i know how it feels like. . .she has left the world but she has left a footprint of hers. .
Miss Bella Luna says absolutely zero . . says:
on u . .
asиi таии ™ sweet little kitty...... says:
yes
Miss Bella Luna says absolutely zero . . says:
so use that. . take whatever u have learn. . . keep it deep within u. . if shes beautiful. . beautify ur life with her memories. .
Miss Bella Luna says absolutely zero . . says:
that way. . shes always there. .
Miss Bella Luna says absolutely zero . . says:
its the hardest to lost someome so close to u. .

THANKS JAJA, AND EVERYONE WHO WAS BY MY SIDE AT THIS POINT OF TIME.

2008-10-11T14:30:00.007+08:00

OK...lets talk about pets.

I use to have cats and birds as pets during my teenage years. I remember the first time my sis bring home a white persian cat name Didi. He got one eye green and one eye blue. How I luv Didi. Then later, she bring home another female persian cat grey colour. We name her Mimi. They were both beautiful cats. But the saddest part is, Didi pass away on the first day of Hari Raya, when Jaja was one year old. I remember how I cried like a small kid. And I swear I will never ever have cat pets at home.

But.....lately my sis is going crazy of her friend rabbit pet name Abang. Haha.... she will always tell me story abt this rabbit. Then she decided she will have one pet rabbit. I was excited. To be honest, I luv animals. But then she persuade me to get one for myself. Finally I give in. Last thursday, she took half day from work and bring me the pet shop where she got her rabbit.

Her rabbit is grey in colour while mine is black. She name her pet rabbit Jebat. And I name my pet rabbit Aduka. I didn't know that mine is female, untill I went to the shop, before going home then I remember to ask him what is the sex of my rabbit. Oh my, she's a female. But I luv the name Aduka from the moment I watch Semerah Padi when I was very young. So, there's no way I want to change the name. Jaja not happy with the name and call her Sonia. I'm not gonna give in. She's mine...................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH..........evil laughter. Let me show you how Jebat and Aduka look like.

THIS IS MY ADUKA

THIS IS ALSO ADUKA ON THE FIRST DAY IN MY HOME

THIS IS JEBAT...BOTH ARE SO CUTE.................

2008-10-10T13:49:00.025+08:00

These are all the photos taken during my open hse and Man's open hse below

JAJA AND PHILIP

Jaja perasan glam....

Arry makan tak kenyang2

The teddy bear couple Yat n Cik Li

Man and family just arrive and enjoying the food.

Ray, Hakimbelo and I don't know his name. They both are the first person to arrive and the last to leave.

Senyuman terpaksa....

Ni dia si Man, perasan handsome!!!

Ni Zai bantot and Seron misai

Ini anak aku Ifah and my niece Ira. Somehow or rather they both can click very well.

NOW ALL THESE ARE FROM MAN'S HOUSE

2008-10-07T14:56:00.002+08:00

Last sunday aku ada open hse. Punca nya aku bikin open hse ni pasal Phillip kawan jaja. Dia bersuara semasa dia berbuka disini. Jaja ajak mereka berkumpul di rumah Phillip. But he said I'm not cooking so whats the point. Why not ur house. So I can taste auntie's cooking. So I tell him ok. When the day is I'll confirm later. So I tell jaja, when the day is. Her reply was, we already decided to jalan raya ramai2 on the 11th October. So what happen I ask her. I don't know lah, later I ask Philip. I was rather piss off, but since I tell everyone, I have to proceed.

Penat setengah gila, but I'm elated cause, ramai yang datang. All those I invited came over. Except Nabil and Tristan. Because Philip gaduh ngan Tristan, so Tristan tak datang. But Nabil, who I expected to come, said he is buzy with his project. So I understand and I don't ask anymore. Semua yang datang tau Nabil is always here. So macam biasa semua orang tanya "mana Nabil"? and I have to answer to everyone. Kecoh kecoh.

Nevermind, next time tak nak bikin open hse lagi. Tak tahan penat. Sapa2 kalau nak rasa lauk raya aku, datang pada hari raya pertama, but malam. Tunggu sampai aku balek jalan raya. Tak kuasa nak masak2 lagi the same lauk. Akhir nya aku juga yang bertaggak mengemas sampai satu pagi. Nasib arry mop lantai. Kalau tak aku juga yang kena. Forget it lah. No more.

Aku orang nya suka berpegang pada janji. Dan aku benci pada orang yang suka mungkir janji. Ini juga adalah amanah yang harus kita tunaikan. Untuk lain tahun, insyaallah, kuih raya ja pun dah cukup. Bersyukur lah.

Hari tu, Ferdi ambil banyak gambar during the open hse. I'm still waiting for her to pass me the pic so I can post here. When the pic is available i will post it. Till then......

2008-10-03T14:59:00.008+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA PADA PEMINAT KU SEMUA!!!!!

Hari Raya baru saja berakhir. Penat belum hilang lagi. Minggu datang ni nanti, lagi sebok tau. Aku bersyukur kerana raya tahun ni tak lah seperti tahun sudah. Membawa kenangan yang sangat pahit. Raya tahun ni, fikiran aku agak lapang sedikit. Walaupun tak mewah, tapi aku rasa lega kerana dapat berikan anak2 apa yang mereka inginkan. Tak ada kata2 lebih dari kegembiraan yang dapat aku ucapkan apabila melihat anak2 gembira. Walaupun tak ada ucapan dari mereka, tapi dari airmuka mereka aku tahu, mereka juga rasa senang dan gembira pada tahun ini.

Cuma yang geram tu, petang raya washing machine aku rosak. Bayangkan, mana nak masak lauk raya, mana basuh baju air bertakong. Nasib tahun ni, Jaja and Ifah banyak membantu untuk menyiapkan lauk2 raya. Tak lah aku penat sangat. Tahun2 yang sudah, selalu nya Arry yang banyak membantu. Tapi tahun ni lain pula, dia lebih banyak melayan kawan2 ke bazaar. Apa nak cakap, dah semakin dewasa.

Another kejutan is, tak pernah aku ke bazaar pada malam raya. Tapi tahun ni, Jaja paksa aku kerana nak cari baju raya last minute. Aku keluar pada pukol 11.30mlm. Pulang jam 2pagi. Selalu nya laki aku akan jadi penunggu bazaar tiap2 malam raya. Kali ini aku cakap dgn dia, duduk rumah, biar aku ja yang pergi. wakakaka.....

Pulang dari bazaar, Arry pun baru juga sampai, terus suruh aku pakai kan mask. Aku suruh jaja ja pakaikan. In the end, aku, arry, jaja and ifa semua pakai mask and kita tidur jam 3.30pagi. Sejarah seh. Ini dia gambar yang kita ambil pada hari raya. Walaupun beratus-ratus gambar yang dia orang ambil, cuma ini ja yang aku ada.

Aku bersama suami dan anak-anak.

Aku bersama anak lelaki

Aku bersama anak perempuan.

Ah.....ini muhaimin. Aku geraaaammmmm sangat dgn dia. Nanti aku akan kidnap dia. Just wait and see.

Ini dia Anak2, menantu dan cucu Pak Mat dan Mak Nyah.

2008-09-21T11:48:00.008+08:00

Semalam aku ke far east and c k tang. Initial plan was me arry and izam. Come the actual day, ramai yang terbabit. Arsy, ifah, pek and nabil. First to far east, arry and izam bought shoes, and jeans. Then I told them lets go isetan sebab arry nak cari seluar smart and shirt. While walking, we past ck tang. So i told them c k tang ada jual ni semua also right. They said yes, and I said lets go in. Malas aku nak jalan jauh2. Penat tau posa2 ni.

Tak menyesal aku masuk dlm, we really have a good bargain for arry pants and shirts, even nizam get one for himself. Then we proceed to break our fast. I can say that everyone is happy even though tak semua yang membeli.

We reach home around 9pm. Then Ira ajak anak2 aku main badminton. First Ifa and Arsy go. Then Azie nak tompang toilet and pestering Arry and Nabil to play with them. Pek follow us home too. Arry was in good mood balek smlm terus basuh toilet. Dah happy kan baru shopping. Nabil turun dulu. After dah settle Arry go down with Pek, but Pek wanna go home, he said he's tired. And they play sampai pukol 12mlm.

After they come home, Nabil melayan laki aku main card. Sampai pukol 1.30am and I tell them lebih baik aku masak sekarang and kita sahur semua. Jadi 4am aku tak yah bangun lagi. Everyone agreed. While preparing for sahur aku buka warna, nak dengar lagu raya lah katakan. After sahur, Nabil basuh pinggan and aku kemas all the mess. Then aku decided to basuh baju. While doing all this aku and Nabil terlalak-lalak nyanyi lagu raya sambil mengikut lagu yang berkumandang di radio.

Haish.....semangat betul seh. Akhir nya aku tidur pukol 3.30pagi. As usual kalau dah tidur lambat aku mesti silent hp. Sadar at 11am ada dua miss kol. Hakim and Munah. Ask them to call me back. Hakim cakap nak dtg sekarang. When he came dia cakap nak bersihkan balcony cermin aku. I said tunggu bangla putih bangun ah. He said no need to wait. So Arsy pulak dah bangun and he help hakim. Dah padan, satu tinggi satu pendek.

BANGLA AT WORK AGAIN

JGN2, HAKIM NAK DUIT RAYA LEBIH TAK...WAKAKAKAKA...JUST KIDDING. ANYWAY THANKS HAKIM.

2008-09-20T13:24:00.004+08:00

Diam tak diam hari ini dah 20hari kita berpuasa. Dah malam satu leko. Ish ish ish....Cepat betul masa berlalu. Actually nari kan aku nak lepaskan geram. Selama 19 hari aku bersabar, menahan lapar dahaga, menahan segala-gala, termasuk kemarahan. Tapi nampaknya sms malam semalam yang aku terima buat darah aku up!!!! da tak leh accept tau tak....Ini cerita aku. Mesti nak tarok in bold and caps. Marah nya pasal......

MCM BIASA AH, BULAN PUASA KE TAK BULAN PUASA, RUMAH AKU SENANTIASA AKAN ADA TETAMU-TETAMU YANG MINTA SEPINGGAN NASI ATAU APA JUADAH YANG ADA UNTUK MENGISI KEKOSONGAN PERUT. DAN AKU TAK PERNAH MENOLAK KERANA AKU PERCAYA REZKI YANG AKU DAPAT BELUM TENTU SEMUA UNTUK AKU. LAGIPUN AKU MUDAH KESIAN. TAKKAN LAH SEPINGGAN NASI PUN AKU TAK BOLEH HIDANGKAN UNTUK TETAMU YANG BERKUNJUNG KAN. YANG TAK MENGIRA HARI DAN WAKTU. LEBIH2 LAGI BULAN PUASA NI.

AKU ADA SATU AJA ADIK LELAKI. DAN AKU DAH TAK TAU NAK CAKAP APA LAGI DGN SI OVER SENSITIVE CREATURE AND CANNOT THINK RATIONAL AND ALWAYS LIKE TO JUMP TO CONCLUSION AND ALWAYS LIKE TO GET ANGRY FOR SIMPLE2 THINGS IN LIFE WITHOUT HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS. AND WHO ALWAYS THINK HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT. AH KAU....AMBIK NI....DAH MARAH mailto:SANGAT#@$%^&^*&*&****

DIA SLALU TOMPANG BUKA KAT SINI. DAN AKU TAK PERNAH MARAH ATAU TAHAN DIA FROM COMING. CUMA KADANG2 BILA DIA TAK DATANG, NANTI BILA AKU TERINGAT KALAU AKU ADA MASAK LEBIH, I WILL SMS HIM AND TELL WHAT DID I COOK. SO THE FIRST TIME AKU KENA, THAT TIME I COOK NASI LEMAK. MEMANG SENGAJA ADA BAHAN LEBIH, AKU MASAK LEBIH. KALAU BAHAN KURANG AKU MASAK CUKUP2, AKU TAK KASI TAHU. TAKUT TAK CUKUP. TAPI KALAU DIA DATANG AKU TAK PERNAH TAK HIDANGKAN DIA MAKANAN. BIARPUN TAK BYK, I WILL GIVE HIM SOME FOOD. ITU MEMANG RESAM AKU.

SO THAT DAY, AKU TAK SMS, AKU KOL DIA, THIS IS WHAT HAPPEN:-

aku = "MAR, NARI AKU MASAK NASI LEMAK. TAK DATANG SINI BUKA NARI." (i know aku kasi tau dah terlambat. Dah bang maghrib. Soal nya aku baru teringat. Kadang2 kalau terlalu sebok melayan anak2 aku mudah terlupa. Aku ni mmg perlupa orang nya. )

dia = "AKU MANA TAU KAU MASAK APA HARI2. KALAU KAU TAK KASI TAU AKU, MANA AKU TAU. ANYWAY AKU DAH BUKA KAT TAXI. TENGOK KALAU AKU DAERAH SANA AKU SINGGAH" dgn nada marah dia jawap. He's a taxi driver. (aku terpinga-pinga memikirkan. sambil menghisap sebatang rokok, otak aku berpusing mcm gasing cuba menelan apa yang dia cakapkan tadi. Jadi tugas aku ke mesti nak kasi tau dia atau report kat dia aku masak apa. Aku ni tukang masak dia ke. Aku dgn ikhlas kasi tau, jadi salah. Dah terbalik agak nya dunia ni.) So I tell my sister and promise myself not to call him anymore and tell him what I cook. U know what I mean. Tak guna niat baik kita orang salah mengertikan. Sia-sia saja. Ibarat mencurah air kat daun keladi.

AS USUAL, AKU NI MMG TAK SERIK PUNYA MANUSIA. SO SEMALAM AKU BUAT MEE GORENG. AND AKU SENGAJA SURUH SI KECUT BELI MEE 1/2 KILO LEBIH. TAKUT2 KALAU ADA TETAMU YG TAK DI UNDANG DTG MAKAN. AND MCM BIASA BILA SEBOK2 NAK BUKA, AKU TERLUPA NAK KASI TAU ATAU SMS DIA. SO TGH BERBUKA AKU TERINGAT KAN DIA. PERASAAN KESIAN TU MASIH MENEBAL. SO AKU SMS DIA. THIS IS THE SMS:-

aku ="Aku bikin mee goreng"

dia= "InsyaAllah, I take note"

KNOWING HIM, AND UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S IMPLYING, ALAMAK, AKU DAH TAK LEH ANGKAT LAGI AH. MCM BIASA DIA PUNYA SENSITIVE AKU BETUL2 DAH TAK LEH ANGKAT. SALAH KE AKU KASI TAU DAH TERLAMBAT. TAK YAH NAK BAHASAKAN AKU. NIAT AKU BETUL2 IKHLAS. DIA SUKA SANGAT SALAH FAHAM. DENI BETUL2 IRRITATING SPECIES. ORANG YANG SUKA SALAH FAHAM NI SLALU SUKA MENABUR FITNAH. SEBAB BENDA YANG TAK PASTI, DAH DI SALAH MENGERTIKAN. BUKAN TERIMA KASIH YANG AKU DAPAT, SINDIRAN DAN KEMARAHAN. OK LAH, NO MORE AH. MMG PADAN MUKA AKU, MMG TAK SERIK-SERIK.

TERIMA KASIH AKU UCAPKAN UNTUK ADIK AKU YANG BELO NI. SELAMAT BERBAHAGIA, SELAMAT BERPUASA DAN SELAMAT HARI RAYA......

2008-09-18T13:02:00.003+08:00

Laki aku beli kacang yg belum goreng last sunday from johore. So aku remdam dgn bawang putih. Memang itu kesukaan dia and fry it tuesday night. Yang temankan aku biasa lah, Arsyi and Arry. So, I started at 11.30pm. It's already late. Suddenly aku teringin nak dengar radio, kot kot kalau dah ada lagu raya. Then Arry and Arsyi got the idea of tuning to Misteri Jam 12. Aku cakap aku takut, then Arry said, don't worry ni bulan puasa setan tak da....wakakakkaa....

So I decided to hear Ria. Luckily the story tak menakutkan. Except for the intro punya bunyi dah dey... Habis goreng pukol 1.30pagi. Ouch..ngantok tau and bangun sahur lagi. Haish, ini lah tugas seorang ibu. Tak kenal erti penat.

And yesterday, after having a long thought, I decided that I can't wait any longer and purchase a printer from challenger. Ask Arry to tag along tapi he don't want. Cuba kalau aku cakap nak belikan dia barang, mesti cepat nya kan. Geram tau aku. Masih lagi geram ni. Nasib baik kawan jaja, si Andy and Tristan was there. So they volunteer to give me a hand. Then aku nak gi NTUC lagi. Haish...nasib baik lah ada dua labu tu hehehehe...

Kat challenger, this salesman, nice chap, advice me to be a member, and its only $30 for 2yrs, so I agreed. So bantot, take note, aku dah jadi members challenger...wakakaka.....After buying all these si dua labu tu pun tolong lah angkat barang2 untuk di bawa pulang. Thanks.

2008-09-16T14:14:00.013+08:00

Last Sunday kita semua nak buka puasa kat arnold. But last year when we came early, they said u can start booking at 6pm onwards. So this year, thinking we are so smart and we reach there, at 6pm sharp. Bayangkan what did we get over there, ALL FULLY BOOKED TILL 8.30PM. KNN....nak mampos. Dah lah kita ni menahan lapar dari subuh, nak suruh tunggu sampai 8.30pm. Dah gila gak nya.

So we decided to go somewhere else. We stop at banquet near lion city hotel. Ok, we manage to get a place for the twelve of us. Tu pun tak semua pergi. Arry have to work. Azie nak pergi ngan kawan2 dia besok nya. It was at the open space. Mula2 cuma gerimis, but halus only. Then we start ordering food. Skali hujan lebat. Bayangkan....we manage to move to table belakang. But only some of us manage to get shelter. In the end, Nabil, Hakim and Sue datang lambat. They have to wait for us to finish our food. Then they take over our place.

Lepas tu, kita cari baju arsyi, izam and get some dendeng and some more food. Before that kita gi raja kuih and I bought suji badam. Seeeedaaaaap you. Beli tiga kotak, satu kita ngap kat situ juga. I upload the pictures....fun juga kalau layan budak2 ni......

Ni lah si Hakim Bangla dan Nabil Arab Dugul tgh berbuka.
Munah and Zai bantot ngah stress cari tempat duduk.

Lepas makan, aku relax depan raja kuih, sebab nak hisap rokok.

Bila tengah relax tu ramai pulak peminat yang nak bergambar ngan kita tau...

Me, Jaja and Arsyi Me and Ika cicak
Tengok tu, aku bercakap pun diaorang nak posing sama tsk tsk tsk....
Habis ja bayar kat counter, aku pun buka lah suji gajos, ramai yang sekaki.

2008-09-12T13:30:00.002+08:00

BERSATU KITA TEGUH, BERCERAI KITA ROBOH

Aku sedih setiap kali ada pertelingkahan antara anak2 aku semua. Tak boleh kah kita ambil pelajaran dari peribahasa ini. Kenapa mesti ada iri hati, dengki hati, cemburu, salah sangka dan kebencian. Bukankah mereka semua lahir dari rahim yang sama. Darah yang mengalir juga sama. Kenapa mesti fikir yang negatif.

Kalau betul mereka semua tu sangat membenci dan tak boleh bertemu muka, kenapa bila salah seorang dalam musibah dan mengalami kesusahan, yang lain akan terasa dan sedih. Kenapa kalau orang lain mengutuk atau membenci salah seorang, yang lain tak dapat menerima dan akan membela nasib yang di kutuk.

Ada kah ini yang dikatakan benci. Fikirkan lah. Salah kah kita bersatu, sebumbung, saling sayang menyayangi dan hormat menghormati.

Tapi aku rasa, kalau anak2 aku semua buang itu perasaan cemburu antara satu sama lain, keluarga kita akan lebih harmoni dan rukun damai. Tanamlah perasaan kasih sayang antara adik beradik dengan kukuh dan mampat, aku percaya kita akan teguh.

AKU MENANTI BILA KAH AKAN TIBA HARI NYA...............

2008-09-01T12:29:00.008+08:00

Ramadhan sudah pun bermula. Semalam adalah hari terakhir sebelum puasa bermula kita beramai-ramai menziarahi kubur arwah abah, mak dan nenek. Kita juga ke kubur arwah mak Rosli dan bapa Seron.

Ini adalah kubur yang permata kita pergi. Kubur Mak. Haizul adalah orang yang pertama sedekahkan fateha dan dgn kuat dan jelas. wakakaka....he's so cute. Tapi dia duduk di kubur orang lain yang mengadap kubur arwah mak. Lalang sudah begitu tinggi. Tak da siapa yang akan uruskan kalau tak kita-kita si pompan ni yang kesana. Kalau munah tak bersuara nak ke kubur, tak da lah kita kesana.

Selepas kubur mak, kita ke kubur Abah. Kita bersungguh-sungguh menebas lalang and rumput yang sudah tinggi. Kita bawa bersama cangkul peninggalan arwah abah. Sebok Seron sedang menyangkul, sebok Haizul minta cangkul dari Seron, konon nya dia pun mesti nak buat juga. Seron tak kasi, dia merajuk. Dengan muncung dia yang panjang sambil menjeling. Hahahaha. In the end of course bapa dia mengalah. Aku ngeri juga tengok dia menyangkol. Tapi apa nak buat, kata dia kata dia juga.

Basri dan Nas pun sama sebok. Tak ketinggalan Ifa, Ira dan Ida.

Ini adalah kubur arwah nenek aku. Kubur lama. Aku rasa tak lama lagi akan dikorek juga. Selalunya, nak cari kubur nenek, kita pasti sesat.

Aku pulang ke rumah jam 2.30ptg. Arry dah keluar gi Nike 10km race. Malam bila dia pulang aku cakap, lain kali kalau kita pergi kubur, all the guys must follow. Penat tau kita pompan2 ni. Yang laki2 semua besarkan buah. Nasib pasal dia nak gi lari, kalau tak mesti kena jerit punya. Well, anyway, setiap kali pulang dari kubur, hati aku akan rasa puas gitu, kerana dapat membersihkan tempat persemadian mak dan abah. Semoga mereka berdua berada ditempat orang2 yang beriman. Dan mendapat tempat yang istimewa di sana.

Baru pulang dari kubur, Arsyi dah tanya lepas raya kita pergi lagi eh. I said yes. Memang dah jadi lumrah. Lepas raya kita pasti berkunjung ke tempat persemadian mak dan abah.

2008-08-28T14:38:00.004+08:00

Ini adalah gambar Abg Zainal, penjaga makam Putri Radin Mas. Ini lah tempat yang aku selalu berkunjung apabila aku perlukan ketenangan dan menghuraikan masaalah. Semasa aku sampai, dia lagi menyapu di makam pengawal nya Putri, bernama Dandiar. Rajin sungguh orang nya.

Yat minta aku temankan dia kesana, kerana dia ada sedikit masaalah yang perlukan pertolongan Abg Zainal. Orang nya baik hati dan lucu. Semalam pertama kali aku tahu bagaimana nak kesana menaiki MRT. Tak lah jauh sangat, tapi mengah juga. wakakaka....

Bila aku keluar rumah, Arry baru bangun. Dia tak tahu aku kesana. Bila di sana aku kol Arry dan dia bising kenapa aku tak ajak dia. I said, bangun lah lambat2 lagi. Siang2 tak nak cakap. Tak pa, masih ada hari esok.

Pulang dari sana, kita gi makan kat Seah Im foodctr. Then aku jumpa Jaja kat MRT Outram sebab kita nak ke NTUC to buy all the stuff needed for Ifa nya Teacher's Day celebration. Kewat betul, macam2 nak bawa. Dia ingat aku ni cap duit. Haigh, anak.....anak.

2008-08-26T14:49:00.003+08:00

Last Saturday aku buat kenduri arwah. Tak ramai yang aku jemput. Cuma adik beradik, man and family and abang yusoff and family. Aku masak rawon hari tu. Lauk pauk semua habis. Sampaikan adik-beradik aku tak dapat bungkus bawa balek. Kesian. So sorry.

Sue came over friday night to sleep and help do the bagedil. Imagine 5kilo of kentang. Sue, Jaja, Arry and Hakim each have a part in it.

Next morning, Ira came first. Of all my nieces, dia mmg yang paling rajin and boleh harap. But this time, aku tengok yang lain-lain pun dah mula faham dan sama2 berganding bahu di dapur untuk menyempurnakan majlis tahlil hari tu. From Jaja to Ida. Everybody play a part to make it a success.

Yang paling lucu, kawan Arry bernama Ray, seorang free thinker sama duduk baca tahlil. Everone was asking, is he a chinese. I said yes. And they were laughing because he is so cute. He act as though he is one of us.

Well I'm so happy that day. Nabil, Hakim and Ray and all my nephews and nieces, I thank all of you for being there, and not to forget your hard work. I appreciate it. Till next time.

2008-08-21T16:32:00.002+08:00

For the past few days, aku asyik mimpikan dia. And dalam mimpi tu, dia tak berani bertentang mata dengan aku. I don't understand. Tapi setiap kali kalau aku mimpikan dia, aku nya job mesti menurun.

Aku tak tahu apa lagi yang dia hendak. Dah hampir lima tahun, and for everything is over. Buang lah perasaan dengki and busuk hati tu. Nanti mati susah bek.

Haish....tobat lah....selagi masih ada waktu......

2008-08-17T15:18:00.009+08:00

Hakim sampai kat rumah jam 11pagi. Aku tanya pagi kim nari kau datang. "Kata mak cik nari nak kemas rumah (spring cleaning)". "Oh, tak lah pagi sangat dol. Aku masak pun belum." Saya lapar lah mak cik. Ok, tolong aku tumbuk cili, kita goreng nasi. Dah habis aku goreng nasi, tak tunggu2 dia pun syuruk lah.

Habis ja makan, dgn semangat nya dia pun mula mengelap dinding dapur aku. Berpeluh-pelih aku tengok dia. Arry pun jap lagi bangun tidur. Dia tengok Hakim penuh semangat dia pun sekaki. Ifa basuh toilet. I'm so happy to see them work hard to clean the hse. Sebab aku tak sanggup nak buat kerja2 ni semua pada bulan puasa. Letih tau tak.

Bila aku duduk tengok dia dua2 buat kerja, aku teringatkan Nabil. Selalu nya dia akan dtg pada hujung minggu dan akan sama2 membantu. Fun isn't it. Sayang nya aku tak tahu apa sebenarnya yang dah berlaku. Mungkin aku tak tahu apa masaalah dia. Tapi aku tak boleh memaksa. Dan aku tak boleh turut campur antara dia dgn Arry. Seperti yang telah aku terangkan dgn Arry, kalau dah selalu bersama, tiba2 menghilang, perasaan rindu tu pasti ada.

Dan kalau Nabil ada, kecoh nya pasti lebih. Haish...... Bila aku tanya,Arry mesti marah. "Mama ni, orang nak dtg ke tak nak apa yang mama susah sangat ni." Aku cakap dia tu tak tahu perasaan hati seorang ibu. Biarpun mereka tu bukan anak kandung aku. Tak pa lah, as long as they are happy, I'm happy too. So while they were cleaning the tiles, I took their picture.

Both bangla at work. One white one black. Like spiderman.

Stress nampak. Senyum terpaksa.

Last Saturday aku gi makam dgn Man and Munah. Balek kita nak gi makan kat food ctr then I saw full moon. Punya cantek. So I snap two pictures. Tapi tak clear. Enjoy it.

2008-08-11T15:25:00.002+08:00

Went to Johor yesterday. First plan is me, arry and ifa, munah and her kids, zai bantot with ira and azie. Nabil and Hakim belo aslo want to go. Finally everyone backoff with their own reasons, and in the end Yat, hubby and ida and nana and sue, me and jaja and bantot with ira. Well just nice, Pasir ris one cab and simei one cab.

Manage to get baju raya for Arry, laki aku and arsyi. Baju kurong warna off-white. After Angsana, Yat ajak gi Jaya Jusco at Tebrau. We just follow her idea. Sampai sana aku nak makan kat restaurant and Yat against with the idea saying it is so expensive. Aku really tak faham. Kita bayar sendiri2 bukan nya suruh dia belanja. Paling2 pun kalau satu family 100 ringgit also singapore baru 50 lah gitu. Anyway bukan hari2 atau minggu2 we went there. I was very the piss off u know. Nak makan pun berkira sangat. Mati2 dia nak gi makan kat food court. I know for sure the food is not nice at all. Tak kuasa nya pasal ikutkan juga. But I really didn't enjoy my food. So frustated. And the best part, bantot tgh makan suddenly ada lipas crawling kat tgn dia. OMG..... bayangkan betapa kotor nya kat situ. Nevermind lah, next time I know what to do. I will follow my heart. Whoever don't agree we go separate way. Nasib baik yang lain tak jadi pergi. Kalau tak semua mesti stress punya.

Aku belikan ifa and arry one t-shirt each. And Arsyi, I buy for him kasut raya Nike. Jadi puasa nanti aku tak kelam kabut. Sakit otak. T-shirt Arry i find the design cute. Nasib dia suka. Si cerewet nak mampos. Kalau dia tak nak, aku koyakkan aja. Baru dia tau....hahahahahahaah

2008-08-08T13:04:00.003+08:00

TIMES COME TIMES GO

PEOPLE COME PEOPLE GO

WELL WHAT CAN I SAY

PEOPLE DO CHANGE

FOR THE BETTER OR FOR THE WORST............

Kadang2 aku tak boleh dengar kalau orang2 yang rapat dgn aku menghadapi atau dibelenggu dengan masaalah yang berat2. I was talking to someone close this morning. Kalau aku fikir aku susah, kalau dia, aku hilang akal terus. Tak tahu apa nak capak lagi. Aku terlalu simpati. Kalau lah aku ni seorang jutawan. Dalam sekelip mata akan selesaikan segala masaalah yang dia hadapi. Apa yang boleh aku berikan hanya lah kata2 pujukan supaya dia byk2 bersabar. Tapi aku tahu, berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul. Semoga tuhan dapat membantu apa yang terbaik untuk dia. Ini doa ku.

Satu lagi yang ingin aku katakan, jangan suka berjanji kalau tak boleh ditepati. Kita harus jujur pada diri sendiri. Kotakan apa yang dikata. Kalau kita rasa kita tak boleh kotakan apa yang dikata, jangan suka berjanji. Jangan macam2 alasan yang diberi, hanya kejujuran yang di nanti. Jujur dan Amanah telah dituntut oleh Islam. Sesungguhnya ini ada hukum yang amat berat.

Wang ringgit bukan lah ukuran teguh nya persahabatan. Kejujuran dan keikhlasan akan mempereratkan hubungan hingga ke akhir hayat. Renungkanlah.........

2008-08-04T13:19:00.002+08:00

Went to Yat's place yesterday. My god, Aimin is so cute and adorable. Tak boleh tahan liaw. Kita nak dokong dia, dia tak nak. Tapi bila Arry angkat dia and play with him, my god he is so happy and laughing all the way saying wiwiwiwiwi, following what Arry said.

Tak sangka tiba2 si Hakim Belo nak ikut. Aku tak kesah lah. Dia punya suka. But Nabil is not around yesterday. And everyone is asking where Nabil is. I just tell them he is buzy. Dah biasa dia selalu bersama kita. It's ok. He must attend what is important and give priority.

Aku take some shots when Arry was playing with Aimin. Tak guna nya camera, tak menjadi. Sot siak.......

And last saturday I went to polyclinic, the result is marvelous. Aku bersyukur pada yang kuasa. Mudah-mudahan ia nya berkekalan. Tak lah aku selalu terasa sangat penat. Aku nak minta Arry gambar dia dengan Aimin. Aku nak post kat sini. Geram sangat ah dgn Aimin.

2008-07-28T14:38:00.005+08:00

Went fishing last saturday with Mat taha, arry, ifa and arsyi. We reach there around 8pm like that. Arry waited for Arsyi at Pasir Ris Mrt. Sebab Arsyi kerja jadi ball picker from 12pm to 7pm. Aku tak kasi dia merengek. Tak kuasa I let him go. Since dia nak sangat rasa mcm mana orang bekerja. He was promised $30. Dia nak main satu rod for himself. So I said u pay lah. And he did. The rest aku tambah. Ini anak satu mmg macam2. Nabil came tapi lambat. Around 1am I think. Orang ada date lah katakan. For the past one week I feel that something yg tak kena dgn dia. He look and sound upset. Tak tau dgn siapa. Well, I can't say much because kita tak tahu apa masaalah orang. Hope he will be ok soon. Munah also came with ika and sue came much much later.

Something abt him that can make people cair. Aku baru terima call from Arsyi nya tuition teacher. Nama dia Khairul. He was a fierce person. Penampilan dia pun dah gerun. Sometimes dia ajar arsyi, suara dia yang kuat tu aja aku dah terperanjat2. Anjat gerl2. wakakaka......

Aku tak tahu mcm mana arsyi boleh cairkan dia. Mcm mana dia marah dgn arsyi, but he will still laugh and joke with him in the end. Dia nak ajak Arsyi tengok bola today. Brazil versus Singapore. He is one lucky boy. Siapa pun kalau marah ngan dia always tak lama. He got the charm which aku sendiri susah nak cakap. Well maybe because he is the youngest. I don't know.

This is Arsyi now with Nabil. See how manja he is.

This is Arshi (without cap) with his cousin Nas (with cap). See how chubby he is when he is a todler.

2008-07-23T13:15:00.003+08:00

I am a mother and sometime I am a friend to my children. Kadang2 they will come to me and bercerita tentang apa yang berlaku with their daily routine. Either abt school or their personal life.

There is this incident which I've shared with my son, Arry. I told him, "Bang, I think this girl like you." He said, "I know ma. But I don't want to be in love right now. I can't commit now. I need to concentrate in my study. " Then I told him, "kesian dia, why don't u give her a chance." He just smile. And he need some time.

Few weeks later I asked him again about the girl. He said he's not ready to fall in love. I said, jangan mainkan perasaan anak dara orang. He said he don't. Then I told him to tell her let's just be friend. He said he will. But it's not easy to relay how u feel. There will be some misunderstanding.

I know it's not easy. But at one point I agree with him. Isn't it better to concentrate on ur studies first. Love will come naturally. Lebih-lebih lagi kalau kita dah berjaya. And if u success, lagi banyak yang menanti.

So for all anak2 muda diluar sana, kalau jodoh tak kemana. Jodoh, Ajal dan rezki telah di tentukan oleh yang esa. Insyallah, kalau memang sudah jodoh kita, satu hari nanti pasti bertemu kembali. Banyak2 bersabar.........

2008-07-15T14:48:00.003+08:00

Anak sedara aku yang aku jaga dari umur 4 tahun tu sekarang dah darjah satu. And dia baru buat email add and msn. OMG!!!!

Hari-hari dia tanya aku, "Mak Ngah dah hantar zul email."

Aku jawap "Dah"

Tanpa lengah2 lagi dia terus buka email dia. wakakakaka

He is so funny. Imagine a 7yrs old kid having an email add and msn. Macam-macam budak2 sekarang. Baru umur sebegini dah pandai email and msn. Tak pa lah. As long as he's happy, I'm happy too.

For those who is interested to chat or send him an email, this is his address zul_nuga.hotmail.com

2008-07-06T13:39:00.002+08:00

Aku bukan nya tuhan, ahli nujum atau fortune teller. Memang beberapa bulan kebelakangan ini aku selalu terasa, berapa lamakah aku boleh hidup di dunia ni. Tak tahu kenapa ia nya selalu bermain di benak kepala ku. Aku tak ada jawapan. Aku selalu terasa sangat lemah pada masa2 tertentu. Aku rasa ada yang tak kena pada tubuh badan ku ini. Tapi siapa yang boleh mengesahkan apa yang aku rasa. Dan akhir2 ini, aku rasa dalam adik-beradik ku enam orang ni, aku lah orang yang pertama akan pergi dulu.

Jangan salah faham. Bukan aku minta simpati atau belas kasihan pada sesiapa pun. Walaupun anak2 aku sendiri. Tapi perasaan ini sudah sekian lama bergolak di jiwi aku ni.

Semalam aku bawa arry ke klinik, chinese physician. Somehow or rather, I know these people are good. But to get a good one is another story. One chinese friend of mind recommend me. Mula nya kerana aku sangat susah hati dengan sakit telinga arry. Biar aku yang sakit tak pa, kalau anak2, hati aku tak pernah tenang. Walaupun aku bijak menyembunyikan perasaan ku., aku tetap akan resah. Kakak aku si munah tu ikut. Dia sarankan supaya aku pun check aku nya whole body. That lady is really good. She check our pulse, like mcm cerita jewel in the palace, tapi melalui telinga.

Aku tak begitu terperanjat, seperti yang aku katakan, aku dah lama dapat rasakan ada yang tak kena tentang diri aku. Thiis is what she said after she has done the thorough check-up.

1) My right kidney is bad. 2) I sometimes feel numbness. (true) 3) My blood flow from up to down is good but to go up again is very weak. (true) 4) My womb is dropping. 5) My heart is weak. (true) 6) My urine have lots of protein. (true) and few more. And she warn me not to carry heavy things.

Aku redha, sesungguhnya ini adalah qada dan qadhar dari Allah. Cuma satu aku pinta dari mu ya Allah, kalau kau ingin ambil aku kembali pada mu, biarlah anak-anak aku semua dah dewasa dan dah pandai jaga diri sendri dan cari rezki sendiri. Kerana suami aku tak pandai mcm mana nak jaga anak2. Bukan apa, agar aku pulang kepada mu dengan tenang. Hanya ini lah satu pinta ku. Walaupun aku tau, ada yang gembira bila aku dah tak ada. Tak ada siapa nak marah, nak ambil tahu bila nak balek, keluar dgn siapa, jgn buat benda tak senonoh kat luar, kenapa tak balek, dah pukol berapa dan mcm2 lagi.

Masa muda aku, kata2 lagi ini selalu menyusuk jiwa ku, rupa nya ia membawa banyak makna apabila aku lalui liku2 hidup yang semakin senja.

Here it goes.......

berarak mendung kelabu

mengekori langkah ku

ku cuba dan terus mencuba mencapai suria

walau membakar jiwa walau aku dihina

derita oh derita engkau dimana2

walau pun jauh aku lari maupun berdiam diri

namun indah mimpi dari realiti

hidup ku tanpa arah bagaikan layang2 terputus tali nya

2008-06-30T14:50:00.003+08:00

Orang alim2 selalu mengatakan, lebih sayang nya Allah pada kita, lebih banyak cobaan yang akan di berikan pada kita. Macam2 dugaan yang akan kita hadapi.

Haish...entahlah....... Terlarat ke tidak kita si penerima ni melalui nya. Masaalah demi masaalah yang aku tempuhi. Laut pun ada pasang surut nya. Tapi masaalah aku yg mendatang, tak ada henti nya. Kalau tak anak, laki yang buat hal. Bukan lah aku ni ada masaalah dgn laki aku. Cuma kelurusan dia sebagai seorang manusia telah byk mendatangkan masaalah yang sangat berat yang harus aku pikul. Kalau ada sesiapa ada kesusahan, nak pinjam along pun dia sanggup jadi guarantor. Orang lari, aku pikul beban yang tak ada kesudahan nya. Kalau boleh, buah dia pun dia akan gadai kalau orang perlu lah aku rasa.

Macam mana nak aku buatkan lagi. Dapat laki terlalu lurus. Bukan aku menyesal, tapi aku tak faham kenapa sejak beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini, hidup aku tak tenang. Apa tak nya, asyik di belenggu dgn masaalah yang datang silih berganti, tak tau sampai bila.

Ingin aku bertanya pada mu tuhan, kalau kau sayangkan aku hamba mu ini, cukuplah cobaan yang berikan buat masa ini. Hentikan lah. Berikan aku sedikit ruang untuk bernafas. Bukan kekayaan yang aku minta, tapi belas kasihan dari mu pada ku seorang insan kudus. Berikan aku ketenangan supaya dapat aku nikmati keindahan alam sekeliling yang engkau jadikan.

Alangkah baik nya ya Allah, jika kau tidak menjadikan neraka dan dunia. Tak lah manusia di turunkan ke bumi. Hidup lah para nabi, bidadari and makhluk yang sememangnya kau jadikan sejak awal lagi tanpa noda dan dosa di syurga mu.

Memang aku dah keterlaluan. Aku cuma mengharapkan belas kasihan dari mu. Cukup lah cobaan yang datang bertubi2 tanpa henti. Hanya ini pinta ku. Badan aku dah tak larat nak menanggung ini semua, kerana ia nya dah terlalu lama.

Sampaikan lah doa ku ini wahai malaikat. Bisikkanlah kata hati ku ini pada yang maha esa. Semoga ia mendengar. Amin....

2008-06-20T13:52:00.007+08:00

Last monday, zai bantot ajak aku gi IKEA. Tau aja lah bila sampai sana, tak leh shopping mata ja, hati mesti tak puas punya. Akhir nya, I decided to buy this small cabinet made of wood for my office. We have to pasang sendiri, but its very bare. So I decided to make some design for my tiny cabinet to make it look bright and colourful.

Azie dtg semalam and she thought that Arry do it for me. She was surprised that it was done by me. I told her it runs in the family. Kalau Hakim nya masterpiece for N Level, aku boleh buat, tak kan yang ni tak leh kan. KKK...tak mau cakap banyak lah kan. I'll upload the picture now.

THIS IS THE TOP OF THE CABINET. IT'S LIKE SUN THAT BRING BRIGHTNESS TO VANEX.

THIS IS THE FRONT DRAWER. GREEN AND PEACEFUL.

THIS IS THE LEFT SIDE WITH THE WORD VANEX. THE DESIGN OF BLACK AND RED DONE BY ARRY.

THIS IS THE RIGHT SIDE DONE BY ME. MAY VANEX GROWS WITH THE TREE OF GOLD LEAVES. WAKAKAKA.....

2008-06-17T12:45:00.007+08:00

Where do I begin. It all started last saturday, I have been pestering Ifa to excercise. Arry was coaxing her to follow him to bedok reservoir. So, to motivate ifa, I decided to follow them. Tak sangka Munah and Bantot aslo want to tag along.

Munah dari rumah aku, pulang dulu to fetch izam and arsyi. Akhir nya aku dan bantot sampai dulu. Selalu nya aku cuma enjoy the scenery dari jauh, whenever I'm in the bus or cab. Aku fikir sunyi tempat tu. Tapi bila sampai disana, ramai orang berlari2 anak dan ada yang berbasikal. U can say that I am really surprised. That place is alive, walaupun hari dah menjelang tua.

Satu lagi kejutan, apabila aku dan si bantot tiba, matahari hampir terbenam, pemandangan yang sungguh cantik buat aku terpegun seketika. Tanpa berlengah lagi, bila Arry dan Ifa tiba, kami berdua suruh Arry and Ifa posing. Lets enjoy the scenery.

the beautiful sunset

Arry before he start his running.

And this is Ifa, the shy and tak da hidung girl

2008-06-11T15:35:00.003+08:00

Sports has always been my interest. I luv to see guys or girls very active in sports. I feel no matter what, sports make u feel healthy, macho, fit, and have nice BODY. Admit it. Before I have children, I use to dream that all my children will be active in sports. But, GOD is not on my side. I have been pestering my children to take up sports during their secondary years. So sad, nobody listens. I have dreams that one day Ifa gonna be a swimmer. She has very strong arms. When arry said he want to join soccer during his secondary school, I feel elated. But all my hopes crashed. Ifa decided to join band. I don't want to force my children do things that they dont enjoy and no interest. I give in to them.

Finally, Arry now is in Poly. He seems to have the interest in sports now. I'm so happy. I give him all my support all the way. Whatever he needed for the sports that he is into, canoeing, I try my very best to provide him the basic needs. I give him cash to get himself a swimming trunk. Yesterday, my bro give me additional $50 bucks to top up the cash I have to buy him his running shoes. And not to forget his goggles. But before we go eastpoint, he did tell me, tomorrow they gonna make a final selection. And there are not many people join canoeing. He is reluctant to buy the shoes. I said proceed, cause he need it for running tomorrow. I know he don't want me to feel bad if things don't turn right. I told him not to worry too much.

And today, true enough, the selection was made. Non of the malays were selected. No matter how hard he try to impress them, nothing works his way. I know how he feels. Frustrated, dissapointed, irritated, down and many more. After making the student buy all the necessary stuff and they were told to beat it. How unfair life is. But anyway, maybe there's a blessing.

Just when my dreams were about to come true......wakakaka

Hati ibu akan tetap merasa apa yang anak rasa.

Hope that better things will come his way. I will always pray for my children......I will.

2008-06-06T14:28:00.005+08:00

Last Wednesday Arry friends came over. When he told me they were having bbq and he was the organiser, I kept quiet. He went to buy all the stuff with his friends and keep it at his friend's place. Well at first I thought he knows to do everything untill on Wednesday he was asking me how to marinate the chicken.

Cut the story short, in the end his friend brought all the things back to my house. I help them to marinate the chicken and stringray. After all the job was done, arry, nabil and not to forget Hakim (the long lost boy that went missing for half a year) and with arry friends, they were playing pair kol. It was so noisy and the noise came from Nabil (the obvious one). wakakaka

He came back today and said it was a successfull one. The stingray was the most popular. Haish....for our children, penat pun tak kisah as long as they are happy.

Good for him.

2008-05-30T13:06:00.007+08:00

Begitu cepat masa berlalu. Dalam diam dah masuk bulan June. Haigh...... Kalau aku ada kuasa untuk berhentikan waktu. Lagi tiga bulan dah masuk bulan puasa...alahai.....

Semalam sambil duduk makan tengahari, Arsyi pulang dari sekolah dan duduk makan bersama. Sambil makan dia bertanya "Ma, lagi berapa brapa lama bulan puasa." Dengan muka dia yang innocent konon. Aku pun jawab, "Lagi tiga bulan. But I know u r not asking abt puasa. What u want to know is bila Hari Raya."

Dengar jawapan aku, tersenyum kambing dia. Biasa lah budak2. Apa yang mereka2 tu fikir tak da lain pasal Hari Raya dan duit collection. Kalau boleh, aku tak nak jadi orang dewasa. Jadi budak lagi bagus. Tak stress setiap kali ramadhan tiba. Nak mencukupkan untuk mereka saja dah cukup stress. Belum lain2 lagi.

Anak aku si Ifa dgn si Basri ni aku tengok sekarang mcm dah tebiat. Hari2 cakap pasal Muhaimin. Hari2 ngoyok aku gi tengok Muhaimin. Semalam dalam diam2, tanpa pengetahuan aku, dua2 anak bertuah tu siap2 then cari aku kat bilik and said nak gi rumah Yat. Tebiat betul. Tapi mmg cute betul si Aimin ni sekarang. Aku pun geram tengok dia. Aku ada gambar dia masa baru nak belajar jalan.

See how cute he is.

2008-05-22T13:55:00.002+08:00

Three weeks ago, I find out I got diabetic. The medication that he gave me is good. I stop my urination immediately. But I have one big problem now. I started to lost my eye sight. It drop tremendously. I'm short sighted and long sighted. Because I went to the optician last tuesday, that's the reason how I know about how severe my problem is.

Within two weeks I'm half blind. OMG.............

I need to see the eye specialist ASAP

Please please please.....make my eyes better please dear god.

2008-05-12T14:07:00.011+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS

Yesterday was mother's day. Jaja sms me saying that she want to bring me out for lunch. I didn't answer. Because I didn't know what to expect. Aku tak bercakap dgn dia dah seminggu lebih kerana aku sangat tersinggung. Aku rasa dia dah tak memerlukan aku lagi. Pagi semalam aku bangun agak lewat. Dia suruh aku siap by 1pm. Aku tanya Ifa where were we going. She just smile and said don't know. After aku, ifa arry and jaja were ready, we go down and she flag a cab saying we're going to suntech city. I said why so far, she said just follow. I tell her why not go to Muthu Curry. She keep quiet.

We reach suntech and to my surprise Muthu curry open another outlet in suntech. OMG... I was surprised. I really did. I didn't know that she really want to make me happy. She was different yesterday. I hope she can stay forever like that. Before we go she gave me a bouquet of flowers, durian puff(my favourite) and a card.

These red roses were put at the entrance of Muthu's Curry Restaurant

Durian Puff

Peach roses

This is the card that was written by all the four children.

Ini dia ucapan dari jaja yang tertulis di card,

"Dearest Mum....

Happy Hard Word Day!

It takes time, days, months, years for me to reflect deeds and sacrifices ya have done 4 me. The lunch and roses are what ya have been yearning for. You will see a better me in the future. I shall stop being a bummer & take control of my own life. Most importantly, I shall cherish you further. All of us would never ask for more than a mum like you. Last but no least, I LUV U."

I'm so touch. I have always pray and hope that she change for the better. I nearly give up on her. But I shall wait and see the new her. God, I feel blessed. I really do, especially if jaja meant what she said. I can't be more happier than this.

This is what Arry said,

"Dear Mama,

Thanks for being the best mom in the whole wide world! I LOVE YOU!"

I luv u too.

This is from Ifa,

I hope that you will get better and may your business BLOOM!!!

Thank You.

This is from Arsyi,

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Luv Arsyi.

And last but not least, from my anak angkat Nabil,

"To my beloved mak angkat, thanks for everything, ur the best mom ever!

Thanks Nabil. I appreciate that.

NOTHING CAN MAKE ME MORE HAPPY THAN SEEING THEM TOGETHER AND SEE THEIR HAPPY FACES, SMILES AND BEING THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED THEM MOST.

I LUV ALL MY CHILDREN AND NABIL TOO.

Semoga hari2 yang akan datang membawa sinar and memberi makna dalam hidup ku!!!!!

2008-05-02T15:55:00.004+08:00

WARKAH BUAT MAK DAN ABAH

Mak, Abah

Semasa kita semua dibawah satu bumbung bersama dgn adik-beradik yang lain, aku akui mmg sifat cemburu memang timbul di antara kita semua.

Tapi belum sekalipun aku menjerit atau menjawap apabila api kemarahan meluap2 terhadap aku.

Mak, Abah

Maafkan aku kerana mempunyai perasaan sebegini. Aku mengaku kini, semenjak umur semakin senja, di masa silam, aku banyak salah faham terhadap mak dan abah. Kalau aku boleh pusingkan waktu, ingin aku curahkan dan balas kasih sayang mak dan abah seberapa yang aku termampu.

Mak, Abah

Aku sering bertanya dulu kenapa abah selalu marah kalau aku pulang lewat hingga ke jam 10mlm. Aku tak tahu betapa risau nya hati mak dan abah takut kalau2 ada perkara buruk yang terjadi diluar sana. Selagi tak lihat batang hidung anak, mak dan abah takkan tenang.

Mak, Abah

Masih ingat lagi kan cucu kesayangan mak dan abah. Telah puas aku cuba mendidik dia dgn jalan yang benar tapi aku di tuduh kolot. Aku dah lupa sekarang tahun 2008. Apa yang aku inginkan supaya dia juga satu hari nanti akan rasa apa yang aku rasakan sekarang. Keluar malam pulang pagi adalah perkara yang tidak salah bagi nya. Malahan aku dituduh pilih kasih. Apakah wajar anak gadis lakukan perkara sebegini. Aku tahu, mak dan abah pun tak setuju. Mungkin ini sebab nya Allah telah mengambil nyawa mak dan abah sebelum cucu-cucu mak dan abah membesar. Lebih-lebih lagi cucu yang paling mak dan abah sayangi. Mereka telah lupa diri.

Mak, Abah

Begitu sayang nya mak dan abah dengan kita semua, begitu juga sayang nya aku terhadap anak2 aku. Tapi sayangnya aku selalu di salah mengertikan tujuan baik aku untuk mendidik nya. Mak, Abah....sekiranya diberi peluang untuk sesaat sekalipun supaya dapat berjumpa kami sekarang ini, aku pohon mak dan abah jumpa lah dia dan nasihatkanlah dia akan kita orang islam. Adat2 dan hukum islam. Telah aku cuba berbagai cara, tak ada satu pun yang di turuti.

Mak, Abah

Setiap kali aku sholat, belum pernah aku lupa mendoakan untuk anak2 aku semua, supaya mereka akan menjadi anak yang baik, taat pada agama, turut perintah agama, hormat pada ibupada, dan mendapat jodoh dengan pasangan yang beragama islam, turut perintah islam dan sefahaman. Dan telah puas aku kaji, aku pohon mak dan abah, sama2 lah doa bersama ku supaya jaja akan mendapat jodoh dengan lelaki yang boleh mendidik dia ke jalan yang benar. Dan aku percaya, hanya botak saja lah yang boleh lakukan ini semua. Dao kan lah mak dan abah. Kerana aku tahu dia tak akan dengar cakap aku. Sebab aku bukan seorang ibu yang dia sayangi.

Mak, Abah

Baru kini aku mengerti betapa susah nya menjadi seorang ibu. Aku pohon ampun dan maaf dari hujung rambut sampai ke hujung kuku kerana semasa hidup nya mak dan abah, aku tak berpeluang untuk menunjukkan dan buktikan kasih sayang ku pada mak dan abah.

Sekali lagi aku pohon ampun mak dan abah dan ku pohon restu dari mu, mak dan abah....

MAAF KAN LAH AKU.

2008-04-27T12:56:00.022+08:00

Gambar-gambar dari bintan agro beach resort baru aku terima dari zai bantot only yesterday. So I'm gonna update for the 2days 1night holiday that we went to on the 12th and 13th April 2008.

Memang dah terlalu lama rasa nya aku tak keluar negeri for holiday. Seeing my self for always being tired and falling sick, Munah ajak aku kesana untuk destress dan lapang2kan fikiran. Dia kata jgn fikirkan tentang perkara lain melainkan us having a relaxing time together. I thank her for her thoughts. Dan aku rasa inilah kali pertama and mungkin terakhir kita akan bersama 4beradik having our time together. Maalum lah, kita ni semua ada family dan anak2 yang harus kita pertanggung jawap kan. And I really treasure and appreciate what she has done for me.

This picture is taken while we are waiting for the ferry at tanah merah ferry terminal.

Masa ni kita baru sampai Tg Pinang ferry terminal and sitting out side the toilet.

Kita di jemput oleh Sina, the tour guide from Bintan Agro. This is the lobby where we were served with just drinks for our welcome gesture while waiting for our room key.

This is where we stay. It's called family suite. Jgn marah gambar terbalik sebab nak tunjuk tangga untuk ke bilik. Its on top of the hill.

I'm calling the room service cause we were so hungry. Look at the bed. Big right.

The food is here. Nampak kecil dalam gambar, but the plate for the fried mee and the fried rice is huge. Kita makan share 4 orang pun tak habis. It's delicious.

Lepas makan we take fresh air and sit near the beach. Habis tu I said takkan tak nak mandi laut kan. So Aku, bantot and leha go up and change.

Lepas mandi, kita lihat byk orang main banana float that was pulled by a boat. So interesting.

Then kita gi tanya how much to play this banana boat, and this is their reply "maaf bu, udah lewat. Hampir gelap, esok saja ya...." dgn sopan. But I was very dissapointed because we're going home tomorrow. sigh....... So tak dapat main, duduk kat tangga di tepi pantai and layan perasaan sendiri sambil di hiburkan oleh sekumpulan jejaka yang bermain guitar sambil mendendangkan lagu2 yg enak. Aku pun turut sama...hahaha...

Tangkap cute. Tak dapat main pegang pun jadi.

So after we take a rest that night, we book for our foot massage. While we were being massage, we crack jokes abt munah's big foot. Everyone was laughing.

Afer the massage, we went to the floating restaurant and have our late dinner, u can say supper. We were the last customer. My siblings were mad bec I go dgn baju tidur. It was so near that I can't be bothered to change. But the food is nice. Especially their ikan sweet sour ala thai. They finish up everything. Yummy.....

This is the next day, during breakfast. They serve varieties of food just for breakfast. I got not much appetite. Wasted. Yat enjoy the most, I can see that.

After breakfast, we were given a free tour to the city. The place they called city, is like our geylang during the early seventies. So before going, we take pictures infront of the resort.

Ini lah dia gambar kita empat beradik. Dari hadapan, Timah, Aku, Munah and last Yat. Aku rasa kita ambil gambar 4 beradik ni pun mungkin yang terakhir setelah sekian lama.

Ini lah gambar kami bersama Sina, the tour guide that I was talking about.

The lunch was also free. Sina bawa kami ke ayam penyet restaurant where we can sit like rumah kampung gitu.

And we went home after this. Arry ask me, "mama why u never smile." I said, "I don't know how to smile and my smile is not nice at all." hahahahah...that's all folks..enjoy.....

2008-04-15T15:54:00.006+08:00

This is the place where we stay. It's called the family suite. The room is so big.

This is the view when it is low tide. It is so far.

This is the floating restaurant. Actually it is not floating. But built on top to the sea.

Came back from Bintan Agro Beach Resort two days ago. What I heard from Arry is not I experience over there. Maybe because these young people doesn't know how to enjoy it or bec of their cash flow was limited. Jadi dia orang tu sayang sangat nak belanja kan duit untuk have some fun over there.

But what he said about the food at the floating restaurant is true. The sweet n sour fish is so delicious. That's what my sisters all said. Cause aku tak makan...hehehe. I only eat the black pepper crab. I won't be saying much cause all the pictures is with ateng. I have only 3pics that i took from my hp. This is what I'm gonna put. I'll wait till I have all the pic then I will tell a very long story. Enjoy the scenery.

2008-04-10T15:13:00.003+08:00

Arry came back yesterday. Mcm2 cerita kelakar dia cerita semalam. Especially pasal Nabelo gilerrr tu. Anyway he said the place is beautiful, but too slow pace. Maklum lah budak2. What they want is fun fun fun. But for me, I would like that kind of pace. Too buzy always, need to relax and destress. Been very tired lately. And always fall sick, make me feel lousy. Can't wait for this weekend. wakakakaka.....

Tadi Arry go for his freshman camp. They have already given Arry the green light. But funny, when he reach there, too many people and they have to follow the queue. Too bad Arry is not selected cause he is way behind the queue. Kesian dia, but he said he made friends with some guys there. He sounds happy when we talk on the phone. Well, as long as he's happy, I'm glad.

Balik dari ngaji, ifa saw me and smile. I wonder why is it. There must be something. True enough, Arry bought for her a necklace with a dolphin pendant. So cute, and Arsy get a watch. Lucky those two. I get nothing. But don't worry, I'm not complaining.

So suprise, pokok kunyit aku berbunga. Something that i wanted so much. I was shock to see it yesterday. Nak pergi ngaji baru perasan. DAMN BEAUTIFUL. I intend to show the flower and accidentally deleted from my phone. Stupid right. Some other time maybe.

2008-04-08T17:39:00.005+08:00

Dah dua hari Arry tak da. Dia ke bintan resort with Nabil and Pek. Nama sedap2 jadi Pek. Sampai hati budak2 ni. Aku sms Arry semalam. Aku pesan kalau dah sampai sms aku. Tunggu punya tunggu aku tengok jam dah pukol empat. Tak sabar aku sms dia. This is his reply,

"We're here already! Damn beautiful sia the place!"

Tengok tu, dgn mak dia pun dia cakap sia. Tapi aku mcm tak sabar pulak. Sebab aku nya turn is this coming weekend. I'm waiting for him to come back tomorrow and tell me all abt the island resort. Wish he'll be happy there. Ibarat kata Ifa, "Abang dah syok sangat agak nya kat sana sampai tak wish me happy birthday", dgn nada merajok. Ifa..ifa..... Kan sebelum abang pergi dia dah kasi hadiah with wishes written all over.

Semalam aku gi urut lagi kat woodland alone. I guess I just have to do it to get well. Sorang pun sorang lah. Aku pun dah pandai naik bas gi sana. Bagus kan. I have to go again lagi dua kali. I will try my best cause if not I won't be cured. My friend call just now nak gi melaleuka. So I have to be there by 6.30pm.

SAYONARA.......<3

2008-04-03T16:47:00.003+08:00

Selasa lepas tu aku gi booking lah untuk ke Tg Pinang, Bintan agro beach resort and spa. Mula2 kita nak gi sama2, arry and nabil was suppose to follow us. Last minute Arry said dia cuma boleh dapat leave on 7,8,9th April. And we're going on the 12 and 13t April. How?

Then I suggest to Arry lets split. The ladies go on 12 and 13, he will go on the 7 to 9. Wah suka seh dia sebab tak yah gi dengan orang tua2. Kuang ajar gam gajah. Anyway he's going with Nabil and Pek. Habis ah, si gila tu semua. Sekarang dia orang nya dah confirm, easy to confirm cause they are going on the weekdays. And kita nya on the weekend belum ada news. Walau eh...... geram seh.

Tak pa lah, mudah2an its confirm. Si bantot pun last minute nak tag along juga. So we Empat Mak Dara going for destress weekend. First time oi we go solo sejak dah jadi mak dara ni.

Hope it will be a happy trip to all of us. <3

2008-04-01T14:19:00.002+08:00

Haizul was here today. I admit. I MISS HIM. Too many stories to tell me. Macam tok tok lah dia. Anyway when he's around, I'm not so lonely.

2008-03-31T15:41:00.004+08:00

I have not been feeling that well lately. But nevermind, life has to go on. Met my long lost friend, Liew at Melaleuka. Oh god how i miss him. We used to be so close when we were at the defunct company, "SINGAPORE MONITOR". We were just like family, fun and laughter, and all those cool guys working together. Sigh....How I wish we never grow old. Stay together forever. Yayayaya sweet dream. He change in appearance but not character. Same old Liew that I know. And we were talking and laughing like old time. He with his dirty jokes.

Dia luahkan segala isi hati. Masaalah dia dgn wife, anak2. He said that his children is not talking to him. I ask him why. He said maybe he's menopause. He also never talk to them. His daughter is following his son to stay at the NTU hostel. Dia sedih sangat sampai dia keep everything to himself and tak nak luahkan to his children and wife.

I told him, jgn pendamkam apa yang dia rasa. You have to talk and reveal what is bothering u and open up to them. By talking, we understand each other better. We tend to know what is the problem and why are we like this. Make sure that the bond of us and our family were tight. He listens and said that he would try. I pity him. Sincerely.

Every humans have their set of problem. Everyone....haish.....

I'm visiting my dentist again this evening. Hope to hear good news.

By the way, in the end Arry and Pek will go on their own to Bintan, and I, Munah and Leha will go the week after. Only the three of us without any children tagging along. Yeehaaaaa...Three old maid going to Bintan. To relax after soooooooooooooooooo many years. Hope that everything went well. Going to book it tomorrow.

AND AND AND DAMN IT, MY N73 HANG..SHIT....

after dentist have to visit nokia care...DARN

2008-03-28T15:48:00.005+08:00

Ah ni aku nya model dari Abu Dhabi. Nama dia Syed Nabelo.........

This the bag that I was saying...amacam, jambu tak!!!!!

Kadang2 aku rasa marah sangat, aku nak jerit tapi dgn siapa. Walaupun dia yang buat salah. Aku stresss, stressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. HAH KAU. Aku yang kerja dgn dia ke dia yang kerja ngan aku. Aku nak lari jauh, jauh, jauh ooooooooooo....

Sudah lah, aku tak nak cakap pasal dia lagi. Biarlah dia pikir sendiri.

Skrg aku nak tunjukkan beg yang laki aku kasi

2008-03-26T13:07:00.005+08:00

I'm getting better now. Arry's friend, I don't know who u are but thanks for ur concern. I'm seeing the dentist this Monday. Pray for me that it is nothing serious.

Everyday, balek kerja and sebelum pergi kerja, Arry will always talk to me. Talk to me about almost everything. Except his secrets. Of course....hahaha

Jaja used to do that too when she is with Sufi. Semua manusia ada baik ada buruk nya. Even though Sufi have some bad points and he does have his good points too. At least bila jaja ngan Sufi, she appreciate me more. She understand me better. And she is a better person. I miss that. She knows when to go out and when not. She learnt to be thrifty. Pengaruh kawan ni kadang2 terlalu kuat untuk kita tepis. Friends, acquaintance, lovers, do play a very important part in our life. The influence of the opposite sex can be good and bad too. Well, maybe she will realise it one day. Maybe we can be better friends too. Who knows......

Semalam laki aku balek bawa beg, and it is original u know. He's damn crazy. Cantek tau. Nanti lah kalau aku free aku download the pic.

2008-03-24T17:40:00.002+08:00

Just came back from dentist.

The pain is getting worse. From head to left eye, and down to left nose and now teeth. So I suspected it was my teeth. The pain is unbearable. I decided to call my dentist and fix an appt. The nurse said that its full, but if I need to see him urgently, just come down and have to wait. There's no compromise. Need to go.

I rush there immediately, and lucky enough cuma ada satu patient kat dalam. Then the patient after belum datang, so the nurse call me to go in. So lucky.

Masuk aja doctor Halid smiling, asking me kenapa lama tak datang. I said, mcm biasa lah, tak sakit tak datang. We laugh. He check my teeth and find no holes. But my gum is so swollen. To be safe he said need to x-ray. He did that, first time I saw an x-ray film for teeth. My god it is so tiny. Confirm there's no whole. But when he knock at this one tooth, omg it is so painful. After he done a thorough check-up, he ask abt my nose. Did I have severe running nose, bec he suspected it is my sinus that's acting up. He said the swollen is really bad. I know that the pain start from my left eye and nose. I can't even touch it. It is so painful.

He gave me few types of medicine, not to forget pain killers. I have to see again next monday. Dear God, I pray that it is only a minor problem. And I pray that after taking this medicine, I won't be having the pain anymore and the swollen will subside. I luv my children. Give me more time to spend with them. I hope u will hear my prayer.

Amin....

2008-03-22T19:22:00.004+08:00

Went to Sentosa yesterday. All of us except for those who's working can't make it. Arry and Sue both was suppose to work. Tengok kita dah siap and kena psycho ngan jaja and ifa, terus tak gi kerja. He call his manager and said he got berak2. (susah ah nak eja diaerhaaaaaa) And his manager ask for mc. Mampos. how he is going to answer to them today. I'll wait for him to come back and see what he said....haha......

Tadi pergi kedai nyonya bawa munah nak beli tv. Kelmarin bawa leha beli fridge. Aku rasa, ambil commission dari nyonya pun cantek ah kan...wakakakaka...

Celaka punya nyonya, satu sen pun dia tak kasi aku.

Anyway I feel something funny and not right about my left eye. I had a piercing pain sampai kepala. I can't even touch. It hurts. Hati tak sedap. But I'm scared to see a doctor. Takut terima berita tak baik. Maklum lah kita ni banyak penyakit. Mudah-mudahan jangan berlanjutan. Anak2 aku masih ada yang primary school. Kalau semua dah besar mcm baya arry, aku tak kesah. Kalau sesuatu yang buruk terjadi, aku tak akan rasa kesal. Sebab mereka mesti dah pandai bawa diri. Aku tak boleh harapkan laki aku. Dia memang tak reti nak jaga anak2. Dari dulu lagi. Semoga tuhan sampaikan hajat dihati.

2008-03-17T15:50:00.005+08:00

Last Thursday, Yat kol me ajak gi kedai nyonya. Kesian, fridge dia rosak. Skali sampai sana nyonya tak banyak brochures and fridge yang yat boleh pilih. So we decided to go to Court and get the model, then we can tell nyonya what she want.

The day b4 I ask Nabil to come over on thursday, sebab nak kasi dia surprise. Aku mmg dah janji dgn aryy to share and get Nabil a watch. So bila kat court suddendly, ika cicak call saying she at east point. I ask her what she's doing there. She said go shopping with ibu. She want to drop by. Then I tell her to proceed since I'm going home also after buying the watch.

Leha ask me and I tell her everything. Then dia pulak nak share beli watch tu. Dah bagus ah, tiga orang share satu watch. Tak pa lah, so i got for him yang mahal sikit ah. Then leha and rosli also want to follow me home. Dah bagus lah tu, daripada aku tak kasi tau semua orang, sampai semua tahu secara tak langsung. wakakakak. So I get for him a small cake to make him happy. Budget beb. As long as it come sincerely from the heart, that matters most.

Happy Birthday Nabelo!!!!!

Here is the few pictures taken from my N73 phone....ehem....

2008-03-12T14:06:00.005+08:00

Hari terus menerus hujan tak berhenti.

I luv RAIN soooooo much, but situation is such that it force me to hate rain.

Setiap kali hari hujan, hati aku terasa sayup. Because rain brings too many memories. Sweet and Sad.

Kalau dulu bila hujan lebat, aku suka sekali. Aku akan kesukaan dan kegembiraan macam budak kecil. And kalau zaman kanak2, aku akan menari-nari dalam hujan tanpa masaalah, cuma kalau arwah nenek tahu, aku kena libas dgn rotan. Hahahaha.

Tapi kalau sekarang hujan lebat, hati aku resah gelisah mengenangkan all these riders outside. It is so dangerous on the road and these riders are risking their life to get the job done. God!!!! I'm so stresssssssssss.

Boleh tak Ya Allah, kau kasi hujan pada malam hari ja. Tidur pun sedap. So Cosy.....

PLEASE..............................

2008-03-10T16:54:00.004+08:00

My brain is draining out. Thinking, thinking, thinking where can I get help for my son fee for his poly. When he pass his 'O'. I'm over the moon. When TP letter came, I'm under the moon. wakakaka....
Whose fault is this when i give birth to my child whose father with the race indian at his IC. When he himself can't even talk a simple shit of indian. And I have to crack my head because of this stupid ethnic criteria that was set by the ****ing gov. KNN.

Mendaki is not helping other races than Malay. Stupid mendaki, I'm a malay u know. Haigh.......

I call Sinda, they ask me call TP. TP ask me to get Bank loan. OMG. Sinda ask me to come down tomorrow to their place. Pray that they will help me. I'm at lost. Both our cpf was gone to the housing loan.

Pening siak........arrrgggghhhhhhhhhhh........

2008-03-05T15:57:00.004+08:00

Few nights ago, there's these incidents that sets me thinking. How could a mother ask their little kids roaming at night to sell fake flowers door to door. I just can't imagine. One is around 10yrs and one around 8yrs old. My God.

Aku baru habis isya', doorbell rings....

Asyi : Habibi (sambil berlari buka pintu thinking that Nabil is here). Maaaaaaa ada orang kat pintu tak tau apa dia cakap.
Aku : (Berlari keluar sambil marahkan Asyi, sekali sampai pintu terperanjat lihat dua kanak2 perempuan bawa kuntuman bunga untuk di jual). "Ya, ada apa?"
Big Girl : Saya nak jual bunga mak cik. Belilah.
Aku : Mak cik tak nak bunga2 ni semua.
Big Girl : Alah... Belilah mak cik, mak saya ada cancer tau, kencing manis, darah tinggi (dgn suara tak happy, daripada aku tak marah terus jadi marah. Why did the parents teach their children to lie like this).
Aku : Mak cik pun sama, kencing manis, darah tinggi. Sapa pulak nak tolong mak cik sekarang ni.
And imagine budak tu mendengus sambil beredar....
Big Girl : Talking to her younger sis "Hmph...Jalan dik" (hentak2 kaki sambil jalan)
Aku masih terkejut memikirkan, how can a mother let their young daughter to do this. Malam hari lagi. Yang tua sebaya dgn anak sedara aku Ida and adik dia sebaya dgn Nana. My God, I really cannot digest this....

2008-03-04T12:57:00.006+08:00

When I was a child, (primary school), I'm a tomboy, u can say that. I enjoy the company of the kampong boys rather than the girls. As much as I like their company and so were they. Cakap aja apa yang aku tak join them for games, goli, cards, kleret, canang, police and thief. Cuma aku tak suka main layang2. I don't know why I don't find it thrilling. Apa tak nya, bila layang2 gone, all the boys will start running and chasing for one stupid kite. Then they will stomp at each other. No thanks.

The girls are rather different. They like to play masak2, play with the dolls, main pengantin2, one leg and so on. Permainan yang doesn't interest me at all.

U can say that I have identity problem. It's not that I hate girls, but aku lemas dgn dia orang nya remeh-temeh, gossipping and gembeng. And yang mengada-ngada. To join them u have to be like them. And aku bukan orang kaya yang apa dia orang suruh bawa aku mesti adakan. I don't face all this prob with the boys. We just enjoy each other company and tak banyak rewel.

Sometimes I ask myself what am I and where am I. I feel so confused at times. Bukan nya jiwa aku ni jiwa lelaki, I do feel tergugat bila yang handsome2 tu look at me ke kan. But at that tender age, I do feel so confused. But not anymore now. I'm married with four kids. Hehe...

I met someone yesterday, accidentally, and without us acknowledge each other. I was up on the escalator. Suddenly I turn around and saw that someone bergegas-gegas, trying to avoid me from seeing him. I smile to myself. How funny life is, I thought.

Hamba Allah ini have a soft spot in my heart. Kesian dia. He has this identity problem too. In a different way. The way I see it, he tried so hard to look for his missing identity. What he want to be. Where he belong. He tried very very hard to please everybody, in a way that the people around him musn't know what he's doing. He wants to be recognised. But he's not sure in what way. He want's to excel in his studies and be somebody. That's what he told me. But at the same time he cannot let go of his samseng taik kucing buddies. He said he is studying very hard, and got no time for other things. But rumours went round that he's an avid fan of lan gaming and roaming abt at night with those kids on the block. (samseng taik kucing) My heart goes to him. Kesian. I can understand how he feels.

Doa aku untuk dia, semoga berjaya dalam segala lapangan yang dia ceburi. Dan teruskan pencarian mu. Mudah-mudahan satu hari nanti, he will find his true identity.

Sincerely from me....

2008-02-27T15:47:00.003+08:00

Duduk di meja makan sambil minum air, Haizul (6yrs old talk to me, listen all)

HAIZUL: Mak Ngah, Zul dah lama tak jumpa Mak Long.

AKU: Kenapa? Zul rindukan Mak Long ke......

HAIZUL: Ah ah lar....

AKU: Tak pa lah, nanti this weekend Nana's birthday. Kita boleh jumpa Mak Long k...

HAIZUL: Yeay........OH!!!! Nana birthday. Cepat nya................ Oh that means dia beranak dulu dari Haizul eh. Patut lah dia lebih besar dari Zul..tak sangka seh (dgn lidah sempal dia)

AKU: @@@***@@@@@ (tak leh angkat seh...wakakaka)

2008-02-26T13:32:00.003+08:00

Aku biasa di marahi kerana ambil tahu hal orang lain. Aku selalu hairan kenapa menjadi satu kesalahan ambil tahu hal orang lain.

Aku semakin mengerti kenapa sekarang.

Susah kita di cari, senang kita dibenci.

Masa perlu, kita lah kawan.

Masa tak perlu, kita lah lawan.

Pun tak serik-serik...

Patut juga selalu kena marah.

Lebih baik uruskan hidup sendiri dari uruskan hidup orang lain.

Jangan kata di hargai, di keji lagi. Tak ubah seperti melepaskan anjing tersepit.

Haish..........nasib nasib........

2008-02-25T12:28:00.006+08:00

Aku masih ingat lagi cerita yang pernah di ceritakan pada aku sewaktu 20tahun dahulu.

Al kisah matahari dan angin.

Ada seorang lelaki berjalan memakai baju yang tebal kerana hari yang sangat sejuk. Maka sang angin berkata pada sang matahari, bagaimana kalau kita berdua lawan siapa yang dapat buka baju yang di pakai oleh si lelaki tu. Matahari pun setuju dan menyuruh sang angin yang memulakan dulu.

Sang angin pun dgn gah dan angkuh nya menghembus and meniup tanpa berhenti, sekuat-kuat nya dgn harapan jaket tebal itu akan melayang dgn tiupan angin yang begitu kencang. Sayang nya semakin kuat tiupan sang angin semakin kemas dan ketat jaket itu di tarik oleh si lelaki itu kerana tak tahan dgn kesejukan yang begitu menyengat.

Akhir nya sang angin yang angkuh itu pun mengalah dan dengan sinis menyuruh sang matahari mencuba nasib nya. Dengan senyum nya sang matahari menyinarkan sinaran nya yang hangat dan terus menjadi panas. Si lelaki itu pun membuka jaket nya dengan senang hati kerana cuaca sudah berubah dari sejuk menjadi panas dan dia sudah tak memerlukan jaket itu lagi.

Memang itu lah lumrah nya kita manusia ini. Adakala nya masaalah tidak akan dapat kita selesaikan dengan kekasaran dan paksaan. Hanya dengan fahaman, pengertian, cuba memahami itu lah yang penting. Sifat amarah adalah sifat nya iblis. Sifat lawama adalah sifat nya yang lembut dan halus. Semua manusia membuat kesilapan, jgn lah kita tutup mata hati kita dengan perasaan marah yang tak da putus nya. Renungkanlah, di mana kesilapan kita juga. Sesungguh nya selagi kita di namakan manusia, salah dan silap tidak akan lekang dari kehidupan kita.

2008-02-22T12:44:00.006+08:00

Hari rabu yang lepas adalah hari yang menakutkan aku. Arry sakit, flu dia very bad. So, I send him to the doctor. He is too weak to walk far so I bring him to the nearest clinic in Simei. But the clinic yang si bantot recommend doctor datang cuma mlm sahaja. Fantastic right, I was left with no choice, I have to go to the next door doctor.

He give arry 4 types of medicine. And I was charge $42. OMG!!!! I was shock because it was quite sometime that I visit a doctor. I didn't know the price have gone up tremendously. OK pendekkan cerita aku pun tak gi ngaji sebab penat. Sampai rumah dah jam 5ptg. Arry makan sikit sebelum makan obat. Around six plus I think, he went to sleep.

Hari dah makin petang, maghrib pun hampir tiba. Ifa dan asyi pergi ngaji. Aku pun sholat maghrib. Baru sedekah fateha pada arwah abah, belum mak lagi, arry masuk bilek dan tunjukkan aku mata dia. Mak kau, anjat gerl2. But sincerely, I am so shock and scared. Tak tunggu2 lagi aku buka telekong and tak sempat lipat aku bersiap dan paksa arry ikut aku balik ke doctor celaka tu tadi. Dah lah mahal nak mampos, mata anak aku sampai hampir tertutup.

Sampai ke kilnik, bayangkan aku nya frust, doctor keparat tu tutup. Ya Allah apa dah jadi ni. Then Arry suggest we go to the doctor kat sebelah yang buka malam ja. I got not choice, I can't wait for the bloody doctor and i agreed. And the doctor is nice, more understanding and friendly. So as I suspected its the anti biotics that doesn't suit him. This doctor give him three types of medicine lagi. Kat counter aku tanya berapa, nurse tu cakap $48. OMG!!!! Another shock. Nasib aku tak pengsan kat situ juga. Tapi mulut terngaga juga, hampir2 masuk lalat.

Tapi wang ringgit tak boleh menjamin kesihatan anak2. Bagi aku yang penting anak aku sihat semula. Kalau aku tak nak keluar duit and something bad happen to my children, I will never forgive myself. I swear. Bengkak di mata arry pun dah susut. Syukur Alhamdullillah...... Mudah mudahan jangan terjadi macam ni lagi.

2008-02-19T13:49:00.004+08:00

Went to Johor last sunday. Abg Awi nak buat cukur rambut cucu dia 1st March nanti. Jadi dia nak beli barang papar plates and all stuff for the occasion. They ask me to tag along, since I'm feeling so bored and down I decided to follow. Even if I don't have any intention of buying anything. So they decided to go to SMART in Johor. Memang betul, murah seh kat sana. She bought the whole stull for 70Ringgit. OMG....so cheap.

Tak nak beli pun terbabit sekali. Hahaha....

Arry got his posting result today. He manage to get into Temasek Poly, together with Ferdi and Azie, I heard. And Sue is going to Republic Poly. I am so happy for all these children. This is my dream. To see all of them going Poly together. It's happiness. I mean it. Semoga tercapai segala cita-cita yang murni. Isyaallah, kalau kita gigih berusaha. ASWT akan memberkati.

U GO KIDS.......:)

2008-02-15T13:10:00.005+08:00

THE FEELING INSIDE ME IS LIKE A VOLCANO ABOUT TO EXPLODE. BUCKETS OF TEARS CAN'T SOLVE ANYTHING.

BUT VERY SAD............

NOBODY UNDERSTAND.................

NO ONE.!!!!!!

when my children are down, I'm always there for them, but when I'm down, they put more salt to my wound. (sigh........) But what can u say, that's what life is about.

2008-02-13T14:37:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling so down..down...down...down......

Yesterday was my birthday. My mind is not straight right now. Something is bothering me, something too personal that I can't write it down. Nabil belanja gi Swensen semalam malam. We start our dinner or u can say supper around 11pm. Imagine orang yang datang duduk depan belakang also celebrating their birthday and with the birthday song being sung out loud. I was smiling and thinking...what a coincidence.

But don't worry, nobody sing for me at swensen last night...too old leh.....wakakaka

And thanks to Nabil for his kindness and thanks to jaja for spoiling my birthday treat and my mood.

Got many birthday wishes this time, from the unexpected, stranger and the expected. And some missing birthday wishes from my nieces and nephews...

2008-02-09T14:33:00.000+08:00

Last Thursday night aku ajak aryy and nabil to chill out at changi beach. As usual around 10pm onwards. Tak sangka munah nak ikut. Maklum lah selalu dia mana boleh keluar malam. She came with izam.

And what surprise me most is the scenario that we saw that night. Selalu nya when we chill out, it is so quiet, so serene, so tranquil and so peaceful. And when the night wind blow....OMG. The feeling is so wonderful.

Tapi malam tu, kus semangat, orang punya ramai....mak kau. Terlalu ramai yang berkemah, dan yang ada pasang tent besar seh. Suka aku tengok mereka2 tu bersantai bersama keluarga. Tapi aku tak minat lagi macam tu. Setakat chill out boleh lah. I feel it is so uncomfortable.

Aku baru habis masak nasi lemak untuk ku bawa ke chalet. This time yang pergi hanya keluarga man, aku dan munah. Yat macam biasa lah, tak leh pergi sebab Rosli say no. I heard his sibling is coming over to their crib. Memang lain benar aku tengok adik aku yang satu ni. Taat betul dgn suami. Everything that she want to do must get green light from her husband first. Like she got no say. Itu pun aku tahu from muna. If she didn't tell me, I won't know. Tak apa lah, semoga mereka berbahagia sekeluarga, itu yang penting.

And adik aku lagi satu tu si bantot pun tak akan join in sebab she is having more fun going to phuket dgn anak aku yang tua dan dgn adik aku yang bukan adik lagi. Adik bodek. Apa lah chalet kalau nak dibandingkan dengan phuket. Of course Phuket is more interesting.

Well, dulu I used to think that kalau aku nak kemana-mana, I must make sure that all my siblings join in. I think that it is more fun that way. Tapi sekarang aku dah tak cam dulu lagi. Aku dah makin memahami bahawa, walaupun kita adik beradik, minat kita, kemampuan kita, kesukaan kita dah tak sama lagi. Sebab masing2 dah mempunyai keluarga dan cara hidup tersendiri. So, I find that it's better to spend time with my own family than caring about others feelings and trying to please everyone. It's not worth it beb. U will only be seek when u are needed, beside that, u are what u are.

So, it's not worth it to care about others anymore. Get it. Your own feeling comes first. Life really makes me more matured.

OK CHIAO. I'M GONNA GET READY FOR THE CHALET.

2008-02-04T15:09:00.000+08:00

Sewaktu aku menunggu keputusan 'O' arry, aku berniat dalam hati. Kalau dia lulus, aku nak buatkan pulut kuning dan pergi ke makam radin mas, minta tolong Abg Zainal bacakan doa kesyukuran untuk arry.

Jadi semalam aku pun tunaikan hajat dihati. Masak pulut kuning dua kilo. Aku fikir mesti tak habis. Salah tangkapan aku. Tak cukup rupa nya. Ifa grumpy dah membebel suruh masak lagi.

So, aku janji hari raya cina nanti, aku masak lagi sekali. Supaya dia dapat makan puas2. Grumpy grumpy.

Aku ke radin mas bersama nabil, asyi, izam. Arry datang kemudian bersama baba dia. Man janji nak jumpa di sana tak jadi. Dia terpaksa kerja. Then from radin mas aku terus ke rumah man. Dia suruh tengok almari yang dia nak berikan pada aku. Balek dia janji nak hantar pun tak jadi. Keparat nya Man. Nasib dia kasi duit taxi. Kalau tak aku tetak kepala dia. wakakakak...

Setiap kali ke radin mas, hati aku terasa begitu tenang. Kenapa lah jauh sangat radin mas ni. Kalau tak hari2 aku kesana. Guarantee punya.....

2008-02-01T15:27:00.000+08:00

February pun dah menjelang tiba. Ehem ehem. Faham faham lah ya.....

January telah berlalu dgn berita-berita yang mengejutkan. Berita kematian, berita melahirkan, oooiiiii banyak betul.

Minggu lepas, aku kerumah mak saudara ku kerana mengawinkan anak dia. Mcm biasa lah, kalau aku dicabar suruh berkaraoke, kalau kena tempat nya mesti aku langgar punya. Ini kali, aku ajak arry sekali nyani bersama. Hampir2 nak mainkan dia, tak sampai hati aku pun nyanyi bersama. We're having fun that day for sure.

Tapi kegembiraan tu tak lama. Malam terima berita, mak rosli meninggal. Berita sedih pula mendatang.

Pergi lah melawat aku malam tu bersama adik beradik yang lain. Pulang dari sana, aku terfikir, kalau lah aku yang mati, mcm mana. Siapa nak bacakan aku yasin. Anak yang mana akan duduk disebelah ku sambil membaca yasin. Dan malam tu aku luahkan isi hati dgn ary. Kalau tak nak belajar ngaji, mcm mana nak bacakan yasin. aku suruh dia cari dimasjid mana yang ada mengajar ngaji serta sembahyang mayat. Alangkah sedih nya kalau anak2 sendiri tak da satu pun yang tau. Siapa yang uruskan jenazah aku nanti.

Belum tahu berapa lama lagikah hayat di kandung badan. Mati tak menunggu waktu. Sampai waktu pergi mesti pergi punya.

Nabil dtg ke rumah semalam. Dia berikan aku duit $100. Aku tanya untuk apa. Dia kata tanda terima kasih kerana izinkan dia selalu bermain, makan dan tidur di rumah aku. Aku beritahu dia aku tak minta. Tapi kalau kau betul ikhlas aku terima. Dia cakap itu pun tak memadai. Tak apa lah. Yang penting, anak2 aku happy together. Walaupun yang satu tu dah bawa diri. Kerana tak layak nak bergaul dgn kita2 ni. Maklum lah dia dah kaya, dah ada tunang, dah nak ambil
'O' level. Jadi......sebok sangat. Semoga dia bahagia dgn tunang dan keluarga.

Amin......

2008-01-25T11:43:00.000+08:00

Semalam hari yang penuh emosi. Semalam anak aku, anak sedara, anak teman2 ku, semua nya ambil keputusan 'O'level masing2. Aku banyak menangis semalam. Menangis gembira kerana anak aku lulus, walaupun dia mendapat 20mata, I am still very proud of him. Dan aku menangis kerana ada yang gagal.

Cikgu sekolah, dan ada sesetengah orang di sekeliling yang tidak ada keyakinan terhadap diri dia. Aku tak salahkan sesiapa pun melainkan diri dia sendiri. Selama empat tahun dia di sekolah bedok green, dia banyak menghabiskan masa bermain, cabut sekolah, detention jgn cerita together with his crime partner Nabil....wakaka.

Ketika dia pass 'N' Level, even the principal don't want him to take his 'O'. They want him to go to ITE. I have never look down on ITE. Its just that if he is eligible to take 'O' why was he not given his chances. Tak menyesal aku bertegang urat dgn principal waktu itu.

And there is this one teacher, Mr Chew, the one and only who have confident in my son. He never give up on him. Sayang nya, bila arry got the result, he has already retired. I wish I can thank him personally.

Aku menangis kegembiraan bila mendengar arry lulus. It has been my dream to see him pass his 'O' and go to poly. After all the mistakes that he have done, this is the only way to prove that he regret his pass. Lagipun ini untuk masa depan dia, bukan aku. That's what I've been telling him over and over again.

Aku menangis juga, and feel very sad to know that some didn't make it. Especially someone who is close to my heart. I hope, whoever the person is, don't give up. I'm so sorry for u dear. Ambil lah ini sebagai satu iktibar dan cuba lagi. U still have time. Masa itu emas. Gunakanlah dengan bijak. Jangan cepat putus asa. Anggap lah ini sebagai satu pengajaran yang amat berguna untuk masa hadapan.

play pretend

2008-01-24T11:20:00.000+08:00

I know, siapa cakap aku tak nervous. Tapi aku lebih suka menyembunyikan perasaan depan anak2. Hati aku pun gelisah menanti keputusan 'O' hari ini.

Aku buat begini pun bukan apa, jadi anak aku tak lah nervous, tapi tak berkesan. Dia tetap dgn dia nya kancheong. Memanglah harapan aku tu biar lah dia lulus dengan cemerlang. Aku tahu dia dah cuba sedaya upaya dan yang dia termampu untuk menduduki peperiksaan ini.

Kalau dia lulus...Alhamdulillah.....

Kalau dia gagal....aku tak akan salahkan dia. Aku akan tetap menyokong apa pun keputusan dia nanti. Aku tak boleh hanya memikirkan apa yang aku hendak. Aku pun harus memerima apa yang dia kehendaki jua.

Cuma tugas kita sebagai orang tua, adalah membetulkan apa yang tak kena. Luruskan apa yang bengkok. Berikan sokongan yang kukuh. Kejayaan anak adalah kejayaan kita juga. Jadi kita tak lah boleh asyik mementingkan perasaan kita ja kan.

Mudah-mudahan, kau pulang dgn membawa satu harapan.....
Restu dari aku sebagai seorang ibu.

PENANTIAN ITU SATU SEKSA!!!!!!!!

Melaleuka

2008-01-20T12:56:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired today and not feeling well. Jangkit Ifa lah ni...shit.

Semalam aku pergi ke singpost building at eunos. Nak registerkan si bantot and my friend siti hajar for the melaleuka membership. Instead of aku show the way, my friend tu lebih pandai move around kat building tu dari aku. Haha....embarass kan. Nasib she's a nice lady.

Anyway, I'm happy bec she's willing to be a member and she said, "jgn takut Ani, I will support you." Tak sangka orang luar lebih memahami abt this melaleuka. And I really don't have to explain dgn dia panjang lebar abt this product. Dia lebih tahu mengenai barang2 healthy ni dari aku. Mymy... Well, she's more educated than me. And i don't have a single complain from her.

Now my aim is my younger sister, Leha. She's a nurse, imagine that. And it is so hard to convince her. Because suami dia ustad Rosli tu susah sikit, dia nak kena tengok hadis dan firman. And she always has to consult her husband first...tsk tsk tsk... Isteri mithali......no offence Yat...

Lagi pun, beside kita pakai benda2 yang cancer free ni, kita dapat juga menolong orang2 yang tak memahami pasal healthy product seperti ini kan. At the same time, I can make some money for introducing. Dapat lah bantu2 sikit kan kan kan...... Apa lagi tunggu2 Yat.....

Dah lah, have to stop. I'm really feeling lousy. Badan tak sehat. Jumpa lagi.....

Anak Enggang Anak Tenggiri

2008-01-09T14:08:00.001+08:00

Biasa kita dengar peribahasa melayu yang berbunyi "ANAK ENGGANG, ENGGANG JUGA, TAKKAN SAMA ANAK TENGGIRI. ANAK ORANG, ORANG JUGA TAKKAN SAMA ANAK SENDIRI".

Memang aku tak pernah ambil peduli akan peribahasa ini. Bagi aku, perbuatan baik, selalu nya baik lah balasan nya.

Aku ambil tahu dan melayan teman baik anak2 aku seperti anak2 aku sendiri. Harapan aku cuma satu, "kalau mereka byk menghabiskan masa di rumah aku, lebih selamat dari menghabiskan masa di luar."

Sebab di luar tu, lebih banyak anasir2 yang tak sihat dan perkara2 yang kurang baik akan berlaku jika mereka2 ni bergaul dgn orang yang bukan2.

Tapi sejauh mana kita boleh menahan. Sebab kita ni kan bukan ibu kandung mereka tu.

Satu hari pun mereka akan memilih jalan mereka sendiri, dan akan meninggalkan kita, terbang jauh dan belum tentu bila pulang nya nanti.

Sedih juga hati ni, tapi apa kan daya, hati dan perasaan tak boleh di paksa2.

Cuma aku hanya boleh mendoakan agar dia berbahagia dgn jalan yang di pilih. Memang perubahan diri nya begitu ketara sekali, semenjak bekerja dan mendapat result "N" level nya tu.

Rasa2 nya, aku seperti berdepan dgn orang yang tak aku kenali. Lain benar sekarang tingkah-laku nya. Angkuh pun ada. Semoga Allah memberkati insan yang aku maksudkan ini. Aku akan senantiasa mendoakan kebahagian dia. Dan semoga dia akan berjaya dengan bidang yang dia ceburi.

Terserah lah......

Polyclinic

2008-01-05T21:02:00.000+08:00

Bangun jam 7.30pagi. Kejutkan Arsyi sebab nak ikut aku ke polyclinic. Sampai sana dalam 8.20pg. Orang dah ramai. Macambiasalah, ambil no untuk jumpa doctor dgn test darah utk kencing manis.

Aku selalu gelisah kalau ke poly. Takut macam2 boleh berlaku dgn keadaan badan aku yang banyak penyakit ni. Lepas no untuk jumpa doctor dah keluar, aku ke klinik untuk tes darah. Gelisah lagi. Dah berlambak2 akar cerita aku minum. Life extra pun aku telan.

Teruskan perjalanan ke tempat ambil berat badan dan pressure reading.

!st surprise
Pressure drop to 99/60

2nd Surprise
reading for my diabetes -------> 6.7

Lepas tu pergi jumpa doctor, dia pun buat lagi satu test for my presure, just to be sure, naik sikit----------> 101

Haha, sekarang doctor dah takut aku low blood pulak. Mcm-mcm eh. Terus dia turunkan dosage from 60mg to 30mg. WOW......Macam tak percaya. But I'm happy.

Dari clinic beli lunch for myself and my children. Then to TM sebab arsyi nak beli mainan untuk diri dia. Dia cakap dah lama aku tak belikan dia mainan. My god he's 12 this year and still think like a child. Tak kuasa layankan ja. Teruskan lagi perjalan ke sekolah ifa. Dia baru pulang dari camping. Bantot kol ajak gi makan sama2. Ifa tak nak sebab dia penat sangat. Take a cab home cause I'm too tired too.

Sampai rumah berbual ngan bantot kejap. Then basuh baju, mata dah tak leh angkat. I'm so tired, masuk bilik terus tertidur sampai jam 5.30ptg. OMG, dah lama betul aku tak tidur petang macam ni. Mungkin badan letih sangat. Sedap sikit rasa badan ni.

Aku bangun tidur dan keluar bilik, Arry approach me and said, "ma, i got my job back." I said, "blow job kol u", "yes" he said. "Did he apologies to you" I said. "No" he said. "He just tell me that he wanted me to rest, that's why I ask you to go home."

I told Arry, what the hell he's trying to do. IMAGINE, HE DOESN'T EVEN APOLOGISE.

Lucky he talk to Arry and not me. If I'm the one who answer the kol, he will get it from me man, that mother fucker. Don't mess around with me............goodness!!!!!

Besok leha nak blanja makan kat Chai Chee. Well, I'm looking forward to it.

2008

2008-01-05T00:07:00.001+08:00

Tahun baru dah pun bermula. Haizul dah pun ke darjah satu. Haha, kecoh ini anak.

Hari pertama :
Zul : "mak ngah dah pukul brapa." (Tengok jam) "Alah....lambat ah jam mak ngah ni" "Pukul berapa zul boleh mandi. Mandi sekarang boleh."
(Jam menunjukkan baru pukol 9.30 pagi.)

Aku : "Toksah mandi dulu. Pukul sebelas baru mandi. Nanti nak gi skolah badan melekit."
(Tepat pukol 11pagi, tak tunggu-tunggu terus masuk bilik air.

Hari kedua : (Tak banyak beza dgn hari pertama.)

Hari ketiga :
Aku : "Zul.... mandi, dah pukul 11.00."
Zul : (Sedang menonton tv)"Alah.....macam malas ah nak mandi".

Wagaga......Kecoh betul ini anak.

Aku mengharapkan agar 2008 akan membawa perubahan yang menyenangkan. Tapi, baru saja tahun baru bermula, dah macam2 menimpa. Fikiran kacau. Nasib badan....Aku pun dah tak tahu macam mana nak cakap lagi. Ya tuhan, kasihani lah aku dan keluarga ku. Berikan kami sedikit cahaya kegembiraan.

AMIN.......

ps: i miss my grumpy ;(

2007

2007-12-31T13:15:00.000+08:00

Begitu cepat masa berlalu. Selamat tinggal 2007 dan selamat datang 2008. Terlalu banyak kenangan pahit dan sedih yang aku lalui pada tahun 2007. Tak ada ruang yang ingin aku coretkan tentang apa yang telah berlaku. Terlalu banyak and too full of sad memories.

Semalam aku ke hostipal melawat mak rosli. Kesian aku pada nya. Hati aku sayu memandang nya. Ia banyak mengimbas kembali semasa mak aku di hostipal beberapa tahun dahulu kerana di serang cancer. Ya tuhan, kasihani lah dia. Jangan biarkan dia terus menderita.

Aku mendapat berita buruk lagi semalam. Teman yang selalu bermain scrabble dulu bersama ku bernama June telah meninggal dunia. Juga kerana cancer.

Hidup terlalu singkat. Berapa lama lagi kah akan aku dapat bersama dengan orang2 yang aku sayangi, wallahhualam.

Harapan aku, semoga tahun 2008 akan merubah semula hidup ku. Biarlah ia datang dan bawa bersama kegembiraan, kesihatan, ketenangan dan sedikit kesenangan.

Harapan ku, agar anak2 aku dan anak2 sedara ku, membawa sinar dan membuat senyuman yang akan senantiasa terukir dibibir ku.

Harapan ku, biarlah dunia menjadi aman, hentikan lah pergaduhan dan peperangan yang hanya akan membawa musibah.

Harapan ku...........